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Being a man is never easy. It’s hard to be a man, and even harder to be a man of value—someone people look up to and learn from. I have always thought about what kind of man I ought to be. One thing is certain: The task ahead of me is enormous.
Sometimes my mind wanders and I start asking myself questions about my personality and the type of person I want to be.
What kind of father will I be to my children? What kind of husband will I be to my wife? If my wife, child, or friend were to write to the world about me, what would they say?
I am not married yet, but these questions run through my mind from time to time.
Marcus Aurelius, one of the most respected emperors in Roman history, wrote about his adopted father and the kind of man he was in his book “Meditations.” This was what he said about him:
To My Adopted Father
“Compassion. Unwavering adherence to decisions once he reached them. Indifference to superficial honors. Hard work. Persistence.
Listening to anyone who could contribute to the public good.
His dogged determination to treat people as they deserved.
A sense of when to push and when to back off.
Putting a stop to the pursuit of boys.
His altruism. Not expecting his friends to keep him entertained at dinner or to travel with him (unless they wanted to). And anyone who had to stay behind to take care of something, always found him the same when he returned.
His searching questions at meetings. A kind of single-mindedness, almost never content with first impressions, or breaking off the discussion prematurely.
His constancy to friends—never getting fed up with them, or playing favorites.
Self-reliance, always. And cheerfulness.
And his planning(well in advance) and his discrete attention to even minor things.
His restrictions on acclamations—and all attempts to flatter him.
His constant desire for the empire’s needs. His stewardship of the treasury. His willingness to take responsibility—and blame—for both.
His attitude to the gods: no superstitiousness. And his attitude to men: no demagoguery, no currying favor, no pandering. Always sober, always steady, never vulgar or prey to fads.
The way he handled the material comforts that fortune has supplied him in such abundance—without arrogance and apology. If they were there, he took advantage of them. If not, he didn’t miss them.
No one ever called him glib, or shameless, or pedantic. They saw him for what he was: a man tested by life, accomplished, unswayed by flattery, qualified to govern both himself and them.
His respect for people who practiced philosophy—at least, those who were sincere about it. But without denigrating the others— or listening to them.
His ability to feel at ease with people—and put them at their ease, without being pushy.
His willingness to take adequate care of himself. Not a hypochondriac or obsessed with his appearance, but not ignoring things either. With the result that he hardly ever needed medical attention, or drugs, or any sort of salve or ointment.
This, in particular: his willingness to yield the floor to experts—in oratory, law, psychology, whatever—and to support them energetically, so that each of them could fulfill his potential.
That he respected tradition without needing to constantly congratulate himself for safeguarding our traditional values.
Not prone to go off on tangents, or pulled in all directions, but sticking with the same old places and the same old things.
The way he could have one of his migraines and then go right back to what he was doing—fresh and at the top of his game.
That he had so few secrets—only state secrets, in fact, and not all that many of those.
The way he kept public actions within reasonable bounds — games, building projects, distribution of money, and so on—was because he looked to what needed doing and not the credit to be gained from doing it.
No bathing at strange hours, no self-indulgent building projects, no concern for food, or the cut and color of his clothes, or having attractive slaves.
He never exhibited rudeness, lost control of himself, or turned violent. No one ever saw him sweat. Everything was to be approached logically and with due consideration, in a calm orderly fashion but decisively, and with no loose ends.
You could have said of him(as they say of Socrates) that he knew how to enjoy and abstain from things that most people find it hard to abstain from and all too easy to enjoy.
Strength, perseverance, and self-control in both areas: the mark of a soul in readiness—indomitable.”