So Afraid To Be Different? Here are 5 Truth Bombs About People Pleasing You Should Know About
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This quote by Lao Tzu always rings a bell whenever I access my life, and it says, “Care about what other people think, and you’ll always be their prisoner.”
This quote can't be more straightforward than it is, for if there’s anything that holds people back, then it is the need to please everyone, and I call it the "people-pleasing syndrome" (PPS).
I’m saying this because I'm also suffering from PPS, and I guess you are too. Today, we'll discuss five people-pleasing truth bombs that you should be aware of, but first, here are some indicators that you are a people-pleaser.
PEOPLE-PLEASING SIGNS
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People-pleasing is about trying to control how other people feel. You’re simply trying to do things to make other people happy, or that’s what you think you’re trying to do.
The problem is that, more often than not, you become irritated. If you’re still not sure whether you’re a people-pleaser or doing others a favor, let’s look at some signs of people-pleasing.
– You find it easier to agree with people than to express a contrary opinion.
– Even when you truly don't want to do anything, you frequently say yes when someone asks you to do a favor.
– You change your behavior based on what you think other people want
– You put a lot of energy into trying to impress people.
– You feel responsible for how people feel.
– You seek praise and approval from people in your life often.
– You would never want anyone to think you are selfish
– You don’t usually tell people when you’re feeling offended or when your feelings are hurt.
– You struggle with authenticity.
I could go on and on, but do any of the aforementioned examples ring a bell to you? Unaware that your actions are edging closer and closer to people-pleasing, you may mistakenly believe that you are trying to do others a favor.
Now that you know where you fit in, let’s look at the 5 truth bombs about pleasing others that you should be aware of.
People pleasers are easily manipulated
Others can recognize a people pleaser a mile away. Not only can they recognize them, they also take advantage of their emotions. So if you’re a people-pleaser, you should be rest assured that someone is getting his way.
People-pleasers are selfish
I hate to say this, but it’s the truth. While we see people-pleasers as overly nice, accommodating, and helpful individuals who will go out of their way to help others, there’s a dark truth to their behavior. They are self-centered and they might not even know it. Everything is about “You.” You keep having a feeling that people are watching your every move and when you start thinking that the world revolves around you, then selfishness creeps in.
People-pleasers are manipulators
It’s crazy right? Yep, I know. Initially, I talked about people-pleasers being manipulated, but the truth is that people-pleasing is manipulative in itself. People pleasers have two underlying motivations; they seek affection and approval and they’ll often result in dishonest means to get it.
People-pleasers are never truthful with themselves and others about what they really want.
People-pleasing suppresses your true potential
When you are a people-pleaser, your ability or potential takes a hit. You hide your abilities because you don’t want your friend, or business associate to feel bad about themselves. You become afraid that they will label you as a proud person or someone that shows off, so because of that, you limit yourself and conform to the norm.
You’re afraid to go all out and give yourself permission to flourish. You don’t want the next person to feel bad. If you fall into this category, then you’re a people-pleaser.
You’ll have less time and energy for your goals
If you’re only doing something to make someone else happy, you’ll struggle to reach your goals. Above all, you’ll have no willpower of your own because you have allowed external factors to gain control over you.
Final Thoughts on Dealing With People Pleasing
While we all feel the need to help our friends, family, and loved ones, we must understand that a boundary needs to be drawn.
It’s okay for other people to feel angry or disappointed. Just because someone gets mad, it doesn’t necessarily mean you did anything wrong. You must clarify your values and live according to them.
Acknowledging the fact that you can’t please everyone makes you stronger. No matter what it is, keep being you.