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One of the biggest fears that keep us from moving forward with our lives is our difficulty making decisions.
We’re caught up in our feelings. We keep asking ourselves, “Should I do this or that?”.
This has been a major problem for me. Trusting myself to make a decision for me can be a tug of war sometimes, and I guess it is for you too.
The reason for this confusion is that we have been taught “Be careful! "You might make the wrong decision!” Just the sound of the phrase “wrong decision” can give us nightmares.
We just feel that the wrong choice could cost us our love, friendship, family, money, position, and other important relationships.
So, rather than making the incorrect choice, we would prefer to do nothing.
We always want to be perfect. We feel that any decision that we make must be accurate, and we fail to realize that we learn from our mistakes.
There’s this need to control the outcome of every event in our lives, and it keeps us from trying new things and being adventurous.
But the truth is that choosing not to make a decision is already a decision. And it petrifies you. You’re stuck and starving slowly.
If everything I've said applies to you, it doesn't have to be that way.
I want to introduce you to a model I got from Dr. Susan Jeffers called the “No-Lose” Model.
The model that over 95% of people use and that I'm included in is the “No-Win” model.
And here’s what the “No-Win” model looks like:
Let’s say you’re confused about staying in your current job or following your dream of becoming a content creator. Your heart feels heavy about the choice you have to make.
You feel paralyzed as you think about the consequences in life-and-death terms. You’re caught up in the “What if?” problem. What if I choose to be a content creator and I didn’t make any money from it?
You look at the unknown and try to predict the future; you try to take control of outside forces. At this point, you’ll agree with me that you’re going haywire.
So even if you make the right decision per se, you’ll still have to go through the same agony all over again if you want to make another decision.
But in the “No-Lose” model, you’re calm and confident. Your fearless self takes over.
Whether I choose to look for a job or I choose to follow the path of being a content creator, it is a win-win for me.
If I choose to become a content creator, then “It’s fantastic!” I have the opportunity to learn new things, collaborate with new people, and make new friends. And if, in the end, it doesn’t work out, I know I'll handle it.
When you trust yourself enough to handle any situation, no matter the outcome, you’re not scared to make any decision.
There are no right or wrong decisions when using the “No-Lose” model. There are only lessons to learn, which pave the way for growth. Either way is correct.
Now that you know that the “No-Lose” model gives you a winner’s mentality, how can you apply the “No-Lose” model in your decision-making process?
I’ll be sharing with you the steps that you should take when you’re faced with a major decision and after you’ve made one. These steps are from Dr. Susan Jeffers' book "Feel the fear and do it anyway," and I promise you that they're a game changer.
— Focus immediately on the No-Lose Model: Affirm to yourself, “I can’t lose regardless of the outcome of the decision I make.” Push out thoughts of what you can lose and allow only thoughts of what you can gain.
— Do your homework: Always seek advice on what you want to do. Talk to the “right” people, and by "right,” I mean people that are willing to support your learning and growth process. It is not a good idea to converse with someone who is continually dismissive of your choices. Politely say thank you and go on to someone else.
— Establish your priorities: This requires in-depth soul-searching to know what your priorities are. We have been conditioned to an extent to do what others want us to do. We are out of touch with those things that really bring us satisfaction.
So, it is important to ask yourself if the pathway you want to tread is currently aligned with your goal. Make sure you review your goals on a regular basis because they do change.
In five years' time, you might notice that some things are no longer in tune with what you want, and that is okay.
Sometimes, it may take much experimentation to clarify your goals. You may have to try different things, but that’s okay. To eventually reach clarity, you must first navigate through confusion.
— Trust your impulses: Trust your intuition. You might have chosen what you want to do and the direction you want to go, you might have sought professional advice and done some research, but there comes a strong feeling telling you to do otherwise.
Don’t be afraid to trust it. Your subconscious mind is at work. By paying attention to your impulses, you get good advice from within.
— Lighten up: Don’t get too worked up. Relax and learn from every experience.
You are a student in a lifetime school, so cheer up. It really doesn’t matter if you take Path A or B; you can learn more about yourself from the choices you make. If both paths didn’t work out as you'd expected, then find another path. Don’t worry about it. You’ll figure it out. You’ll handle it. Just have this mindset.
After Making a Decision
— Throw away the picture: After you’ve made a decision, let the picture go. Since you can’t control the future, you might be disappointed if the outcome in your mind is not what you intended.
If you are focused on “the way it’s supposed to be,” you might miss the opportunity to enjoy it the way it is or to have it in a unique and different way.
— Accept total responsibility for your decisions: Don’t cast blame when things go wrong. Your decision, your cross. Stay with it and figure out why it all went wrong. You may have to pass through some pain. When you can find the opportunity in any decision, then it becomes easier to accept the responsibility for making it.
When you accept responsibility for your actions, you become less angry with yourself and the world when things go wrong.
— Don’t protect, correct: After you’ve made a decision, commit yourself to it and give it all you’ve got. Most importantly, make sure you change it when things go wrong. Les Brown once said, “Be stubborn about your goals but be flexible in your approach."
When you’re flexible, you know when to change and when not to. Don’t be loyal to ineffectiveness. If something ain’t working, then make corrections or change it completely.
When you've really given something your all—your time, effort, and possibly even your resources—only to realize that it's not what you want, move on to something else.
By following the “No-lose” model, there is no wrong decision. Every decision you make becomes a new experience. But when you choose to follow the “No-win” model in decision making, you become powerless. You paralyze yourself with anxiety as you try to predict the future.
You’re always afraid of the decision you’ve made. If things go wrong, your first thought is “Oh gosh! I shouldn’t have made this decision”.
A close friend of mine once told me that he does not regret any decision he makes and that he makes his stance and trusts the universe to handle what comes after. That’s the “No-lose” model. It’s a win-win for you.
Thanks a million. Don’t ever forget that you have greatness within you.
