For me my life has always been this deep attached to suffering that most times I cannot control. Since I was a kid I learnt to be a good observant. To remain calm and quiet and decipher what is spilled out before me like a book. The way they never locked eyes and how mother would turn away if father tried to embrace her, all this I noticed it took them divorcing and sprinting their desperate ways for me to understand it all. when I was a boy it really messed up with my psychology making life deep attached to my sufferings, pains, sorrows. I grew up in a small town and watched everyone being a slave to circumstance. You are what you know right? But I craved to know more. We had exchange students my last few years of high school, and I got extremely attached to every single one. The way they saw how the world operates,their culture and way of life, how much different they looked, performed, the differences in their eyes all these was my observations. I think I owe it to them for breaking me out of my cage, for giving me a burning desire, curiosity and a will to discover the unknown. I had a romantic relationship with a Spanish girl, her name was Camilla. She would talk in a common conversation as if she was reciting a peom. I always felt welcomed and comfortable when I’m around her, when she talks like she’s reciting poems, I tend to forget the old things because of the company with my Spanish girlfriend. I will never forget her and how she turned simplicity into a trophy. How the wind was more than a wind, the sun not merely a sun, the moon, some psychedelic lights shining. If I could see her now I would want the moment to be perfect like how it used to be, perfect in my imaginations. Perharbs both of us singing karaoke in a Spanish bar with her lovely light voice drinking cocktail, completely unaware of each other’s presence what a perfect imagination I have. It is perfect this way. Without heartbreak. The pianist rolls the tongue of his fingers accross the keys, the bass player keeps his perfect posture and never strays. The saxophone player begins his solo and dares not to ever open eyes and we sing to the tune of the music. It is these moment that I understand the truth of everything, the raw mosaic truth. Love is temporary. Sadly it’s not meant to last. But God, it is beautiful while it is.
