I couldn’t sleep because I had a lot on my mind. I was thinking about those grumpy people who always seem to be in a bad mood. Sometimes I try to put myself in their shoes and think about how they might be going through something I don’t know about. That could be the reason for their way of looking at the world. I mean, everybody is always going through something, and like I’ve said in a past post—everything is relative. I could have a blister on my foot, and that alone makes everything a drag to do, because just walking to the bathroom is a pain (literally) or I could have had my leg amputated. But sometimes, it’s not something a person is currently going through—it’s life experiences that limit them. Things that make them afraid to try something again, or try something new, simply because it feels too similar to a past failure.
I’m writing this post not only because I can’t sleep—I'm writing it because there are a lot of thoughts that fill my head, especially at night, that I want to express but don’t really know how to. There are a lot of ways I could start this post, but we’ll see if it sticks with the title “I Can’t Sleep.” That’s the first thing I wrote as the title, and I’m kind of writing this on the fly.
I’ve played a lot of video games in my short life—sometimes even dedicating 16 hours straight to playing, only stopping to make coffee or go to the bathroom. And during that time, I often grew impatient—grinding through games just to earn more coins and buy the next best weapon or item. I also got bored when I couldn’t progress as fast as I wanted to, so I employed the skill of “cheating”—finding ways to get more coins or more items the non-traditional way. I think everybody’s done something like this at least once in their life—sometimes regretting it, other times excited that it worked.
One thing I learned from cheating or hacking games is that when you have everything you’ve ever wanted in the game—when you want it and how you want it—it gets boring really fast. A lot of people know this, and many told me that (especially my brothers when they caught me doing it), but I kept doing it anyway, just to better understand that feeling. Every time, I felt more intrigued by it—like I was storing that reaction in my mind, one little brick at a time, as part of something bigger.
Yes, I did get bored of getting everything in those games and then just leaving them, never playing again. But I always felt like I was missing something—not the fun of completing the game the “right” way, or the satisfaction of learning more about the game—but a deeper question: why was it boring?
What do you want?
If you could have anything you’ve ever wanted, what would that be? Infinite money? Immortality? Superpowers? I think life would get boring pretty fast. People often think that if they had money, they could solve all their problems. But sometimes, it’s not about the money—it’s about the problem itself. I think it’s more about not wanting to feel sad, or annoyed, or whatever you’d call that restless emotion.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an inventor.
Now I feel like everything is already invented. Anytime I have an idea for something “new,” I try to make it or prototype it, and there’s always someone who did it before me—or it already existed for a while. I end up feeling like I’m the only one who was late to find out. It’s kind of unmotivating, but you know… you always have to keep moving forward. If you stop swimming, you drown.
But what if I wanted to?
I don’t mean that in a suicidal way.
I just… don’t really know how to explain it.
Another point I’ve been thinking about is how so many things are automated now—making toys, cars, food—basically everything. And in a robotic, logical way, it all makes sense. There's a post by 
I heard somewhere that KFC chicken farms slaughter their chickens at just 40 days old. I’m not a vegan, but that seems kind of short, in my opinion. I don’t know if I’d let them live longer just to be killed anyway, but it’s not something we really think about as a society when we eat chicken, beef, or whatever food we’re having.
There was a time when people had to kill the food they wanted to eat. Now we don’t even think about it. And honestly, I think that’s kind of crazy. I don’t know how I’d feel if I had to kill a chicken or a cow to eat, but I don’t think I’d have a huge problem with it either. I know I’d feel different about it for sure, though.
Another thing I notice is that a lot of products nowadays are made in China. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but going back to what I said earlier, people tend to use “made in China” as a way to criticize the build quality of something. But that’s not always the case.
It’s kind of like the economy—if you make a million of something, it’ll be worth less than just one of something else that’s rare or unique. Mass production can make things cheaper, sure, but it doesn’t automatically mean they’re low-quality. It’s more about scale than anything.
I could have made a post about each one of these topics all at once but I feel like they belong together more like this (probably still going to though). anyways if you did read this I would really appreciate a comment with your thoughts not just a bot vote lol.
