Mr. Hippie Wannabe must've been feelin' the love when he tossed this can beside the road. Asshole.
Why the hell to people feel the need to toss their trash and shit everywhere they go? I mean, fuck, they go into the forest to get back with nature. And then they litter up the place!?
Maybe they're gettin' in tune with their inner fuckin' monkey, the one that likes to sling it's shit down from a tree branch, then hoot and holler at passersby. I don't fuckin' get it, I really don't.
There Bubba goes, drivin' down a dirt road, drinkin' his Bud Light. (And I guarantee, two-thirds or more of the cans are Bud Light, the official beer of trash.) Bubba sucks down the last drops, crushes the can slightly in his hand, then tosses it out the window. Why?
And why toss trash in the campfire?
Not only does Bubba toss his shit beside the road, he tosses it all over his camp. And leaves it. Does his momma know? What the hell would she say? I bet he'd get a switchin'!
Then for some reason Vanholio just can't fathom, Bubba and his buddies must – MUST! – toss unburnable trash into his huge campfire. Bottles, cans, styrofoam, plastic plates – you name it. Why? What's the fuckin' point!?
Some leave their literal shit behind.
I can't tell you how many times Vanholio's found huge, stinkin' man-turds just lyin' on the ground around campsites. Plus the used toilet paper, naturally.
Don't Bubba know he's supposed to bury his shit? And haul out the used toilet paper? Maybe he knows and don't care. Probably. That's just his style.
Why do we make forever packaging anyway?
Bubba's a problem. He ain't neat. But why the fuck do we make all this wrappin' and cans and boxes and shit that don't break down none anyway? Why!?
Bein' neat and buryin' it in a designated landfill ain't really no solution. It's a kinda lie, really.
No, don't give me a logical explanation. Vanholio ain't stupid. He get's a bit how economy works.
What I want is an answer for the pain in my heart! I just don't get it. My guts is upside down codgertatin' on the stupidity of it all.
Vanholio' cleaned up after Bubba some today.
Maybe it's the old Boy Scout in me, but I picked up this trash. I figure it's my usage fee or rent for campin' in the forest.
Trust me, though – there's a whole lot more trash out there awaitin'. I can't get to it all!
Dammit if I didn't cuss out Bubba, Pedro, and all his fuckin' buddies with each and every piece a trash I picked up. I wanna shoot them sonsabitches! I really do!
Check out my latest book, All the Whores I Knowed Before. Also visit Vanholio.com.