"...I'm furious."

Fury is an interesting thing. When there were tigers in the grass trying to eat our babies, fury enabled us to stand up with a pointy stick and stab them in the eye, to save our babies.

But that's not something a robot would do. Tigers are super dangerous, and it's unreasonable to poke one with a stick. So, fury makes us unreasonable. In the book 'Anger' Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh points out that strong emotions are like little babies crying for our attention. When our baby is crying we don't stuff a sock in their mouth to shut them up, or beat them. We soothe them, we try to find out what's wrong, what they need. That's what we should do with our strong emotions, try to figure out what they're trying to tell us, what they're alerting us to.

Anger is the child of fear.

Recently researchers have studied the brain, imaging it when we feel strong emotions. What they found it a revelation. When we're not over-excited, the blood flows to the surface of our brain, the part that's all wrinkly so it has more surface area, because that's where we do our reasoning at. That's the part of the brain where we do our best thinking. But when we're really emotionally disturbed, angry, frightened, or grief-stricken, blood doesn't flow to the surface of our brains anymore. It flows to the brainstem, the oldest, most primitive part of the brain, where we feel rather than think, react rather than consider, and this is really useful if there's a tiger in the grass.

Not so much when the IRS says we owe back taxes, or Hurt DV's you. Nowadays most of the things that cause us really strong emotions are things we really need to think carefully about, not just start flailing at with pointy sticks.

I hope you do find a way to be calm and consider carefully and reasonably what to do about your situation, and the issues you're dealing with, so that you do your best thinking and come up with the best, most reasonable plan for dealing with it. There's a lot of videos on the streaming platforms of kids just erupting in fury because they lost the boots of stomping, or the spear of poking, and sometimes they just break things. These videos can be pretty funny, but they show what happens if we react when we're overcome by strong emotions, like fury.

Be well. Think clearly, not like an animal with their back to the wall, but like a human being with the option to do anything at all, because that's who and what you are, really. You'll do your best thinking when you're calm, and I hope you do that and succeed at whatever you decide in your best moments is the right thing to do.