"I did not understand"

I understand from your discussions that you value your participation in society, in being considered a pillar of the community, not peripheral and challenging the fundamental structure. I instead have a sense of being excluded from an unfair system, from cliques that gain by being exclusive, and therefore worry at the edges to expose weaknesses and foster dissent against what I perceive as unfairness.

As I awoke from that dream, startled by suddenly exiting the nonrecollection bubble and beginning to recall my sensations and experiences, I recalled the feeling of exultation that I had succeeded in attaining to that recollection against the orders or will of the collective. My values are such that I am more invested in informational integrity than in being acculturated. I do not get that sense of your values, but rather that you are more of a team player and intent on providing structural integrity more than you are intent on ensuring you are treated fairly.

I dunno if that makes sense to you. It's a difficult and murky idea that can but be implied by our conversation, and isn't something we have stated outright or intentionally discussed. My defiance of whatever order I find I am part of is lurking just below the surface of my interactions, ready to snap like the jaws of a trap on any perception of injustice or unfairness I come across. It's not something I intend to do, or have learned to do. On the contrary, it's disruptive to order, and were I more competent at acculturation I would have learned to temper my reactivity in order to be more supportive to society.

I feel we are different in that regard, and that was what I meant. I can recall only the moments after I leapt from the nonrecollection bubble, and my recollection is that I felt triumphant that I had done so in order to recall that sense of defiance of orders to not recall that meeting with the boss me (I am sure that sounds insane, BTW). Anyhow, that innate defiance of order is a character trait inherent to me I think is not shared by you, and you instead are invested in strengthening the social order you participate in, or at least that's a sense I have got from our interactions.

So, I would not expect you to defiantly leap out of the nonrecollection bubble just because you were expected to remain within it. I would expect you to be supportive of that purpose of the collective rather than place your personal desire to recall above the interests of the collective.

Anyway, none of this lunatic dreamscape was the purpose of your post, and I regret bringing it up and clogging your blog with it. I suppose that I did exemplifies my own interest in my informational integrity and lack of support of the purposes of society - in this case you and your intentions for your blog - illustrating my point about governability.