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What does it mean to be a good parent? Are children affected by differently by mothers and fathers? How do parental styles of discipline affect children?
Psychologists have investigated each of this questions.
Let's investigate their findings.
For the first few years of life, caregivers are the center of a child's world, making the quality of mothering and fathering very important. For instance, one classic study focused on maternal influences(all the effects a mother has on child).
Researchers began by selecting children who were very competent ('A' children)or ('C' children). As they observed younger and younger children, it soon became apparent that A and C pattern were already set by age 3.
To learn how this was possible, Psychologists visited homes and observed caregivin styles(White and Watts 1973). What they saw arranged from the super mother to the zoo-keeper mother Super Mother's went on their way to provide educational experiences and let their children initiate activities. This style produced A children who were competent in most areas of development. At the other end of the scale, the zoo-keeper mothers gave their children good physical care but interacted with them very little. Their child care routine was rigid and highly structured. The result was C children approached problems inflexibly.
Optimal Caregiving
More recent studies mirror the earlier findings: Optimal caregiving involves proactive educational interactions with a child (Olson, Bates, & Kaskie, 1992). For example, Oligo is a proactive mother who talks to Ebi and help her explore her surroundings. This speeds Ebi's mental growth and minimizes behavior's problems.
Optimal caregiving also depends on the goodness of fit or compatibility of parent and child temperaments (Chess & Thomas, 1986) For instance, Ogana is a-slow-towarm-up child who has impatient parents. Ogana will probably have more problems than he would with easy-going parents.
Another ingredient of Caregiving is the Parental responsiveness to a child's feelings, needs, rhythms and signals.
When Ebi is a month old, Oligo should focus on touching, holding, feeding and stimulating her. When she is a year old, give-and-take interactions that will promote Ebi's skills will be more important.
Thus, effective Mother adjust their behavior to meet their children's changing needs
(Heermann, Jones & Wikoff, 1994).
In general, the most effective parents tends to be intelligent, good at managing their own emotions, and focused on family, work and children (Pulkkinen et al., 2002).
Paternal Influences
Aren't we overlooking the effects of fathering?
Yes. I make bold to say father's make unique contributions to parenting.
Studies of paternal influeces (the sum of all effects the father has on his child) reveal that fathers act as playmates for infants(Parke, 1995).
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In many homes, fathers spent 4 or 5 times more hours playing with infants than they do in caregiving. It's true that fathers are getting more involved, but Mothers still spend much more time on child care (de Luccie & Davis, 1991).
It might seem that the father's role as playmates makes him less important, NO, not so at all. From birth onward, fathers pay more visual attention to children than Mothers do. Fathers are much more tactile (lifting, tickling and handling the baby. More physically arousing and more likely to engage in unusual play (Crawley & Sherrod, 1984).
Comparatively, mothers speak to infants more, play more conventional games and so on though, it is discovered that young children who spend a lot of time playing with there tend to be more competent in many ways (Pettit et al, 1998).
Overall, fathers can be as affectionate, sensitive and responsive as mothers are. Nevertheless, infants tend to get very different views of males and females. Females who offer more comfort, nurturance and verbal stimulation, tend to be close at hand. Males come and go, and when they are present, action, exploration and risk-taking prevail. It's no wonder then that the caregiving styles of mothers and fathers have a major impact on children's gender role development (Lindsay, Mize & Pettit, 1997)
Parenting Styles
In 1991, Diana Baumrind, an outstanding psychologist, studied the effects of three major styles of parenting hereunder described;
- Authoritarian Parents
This is style which parents enforce rigid rules and demand strict obedience to authority. Typically, they view children as having few rights but adult-like responsibilities. The child is expected to stay out of trouble and to accept, without question, what parents regard as right or wrong (do it because I say so syndrome)
Children of authoritarian parents are usually obedient and self-controlled. But also tend to be emotionally stiff, withdrawn, apprehensive and lackin curiosity. - Overly permissive parents
These parents give little guidance, allow too much freedom, or don't hold them accountable for their actions. Typically the child has rights similar to an adult's but few responsibilities. Rules are not enforced and the child usually have his or her way (do whatever you want syndrome). Permissive parents tend to produce dependent, immature children who misbehave frequently. Such children are aimless and likely to run amok. - Authoritative parents
These parents are described as those who supply firm and consistent guidance combined with love and affection. Such parents balance their own rights with those of their children. They control their children's behavior a caring, responsive, non-authoritarian way. (do it for this reason syndrome) This style of parenting produces children who are competent, self-controlled, independent, assertive and inquiring.
Effective parents are firm and consistent, not harsh or rigid. In general, they encourage the child to act responsibly, to think, and to make good decisions. (Baumrind, 1991).
Culture
Cultural differences are especially apparent with respect to meaning attached to a child's behavior "good or bad" should it be encouraged or discouraged. The answer will depend on the parents' cultural values (Rubin, 1998).
Types of discipline
Parents often discipline children in one of the following ways viz;
- Power Assertion
This is the use of physical punishment or coercion to enforce discipline. - withdrawal of love
This is withholding of affection to enforce child's discipline, acting as if the child is temporarily unlovable. - Management techniques
This is the combination of praise, recognition, approval, rules and reasoning to enforce discipline.
Each of these approaches has side effects which are explained further;
power assertion - particularly harsh, it's associated with fear, hatred of parents, and a lack of spontaneity and warmth. Severely punished children also tend to be defiant, rebellious and aggressive (Patterson, 1982).
Despite the effects however, it is still the most popular mode of discipline (Papps et al., 1995).
Withdrawal of love
Children brought up this way are frequently anxious, insecure, and dependent on adults for approval.
Resilience
Children may face daunting hurdles as they grow up, such as poverty, divorce or illness.
Yet, despite these adversities, children prove to be amazingly resilient - good at bouncing back after bad experiences and develop strength they need to thrive in difficult circumstances (Masten, 2001).
Psychologists have tried to find ways to encourage resilience in children.
Their work again suggests that, warmth, authoritative parenting is important (Kim-Cohen et al., 2001)
CONCLUSION
Making generalization about parental influences on the growing children is always risky because of the ethnic differences. There are different flavors of parenting across the world. Different values in almost every society - African- American families, Hispanic families, Asian-American, or Arab-American.
Child rearing shows a considerable variation around the World. For instance, in America particularly North America, young children are forced to sleep alone, this is in contrast to Africa.
Of course, there is a common saying often quoted, that, It takes a village to raise a child and in Swahili, Kenya, it is said a single hand cannot nurse a child
The ethnic community in which the child is being prepared to enter into has a lot to do with such up-bringing.