I find the framing of words like "helping and assisting" very problematic in the aspect of managing the home front.
If a man does house chores in his home, he is not helping his wife; he is taking care of his home and being responsible for it. Similarly, if a woman pays the bills, she is not helping her husband; it is her home too.
The house is jointly owned by both partners. It should not be that when a man does chores, it is seen as him doing his wife a favour in a space they both live in. These are their shared chores and responsibilities.
“I help my wife with house chores.” But doesn’t the house belong to the man as well? Must words like help or assist even be used?
“I help my wife take care of the kids” or “I am babysitting my kids.” A father does not babysit his own children, he parents them. Aren’t the children his too?
And as a woman, I can’t imagine paying my children’s school fees and then asking my husband to refund me, as if those children weren’t mine as well. The idea of “refunding” me for my own children’s school fees simply doesn’t make sense.
Even the idea of “helping out financially” in one’s own home feels odd. It is your home. It is shared. Financial responsibility shouldn’t be framed as an act of assistance; it is a mutual commitment.
His money is our money. Her money is our money. Because it is not his home or her home. It is their home.
The only possible exception is in a single-income household where the man works and provides for everything, while the woman is a full-time homemaker. Even then, the recognition should be that both partners are integral to the household’s success, whether through income or caregiving.
Ultimately, shifting our language from “helping” or “assisting” to acknowledging shared ownership and responsibility can foster a more equitable and respectful understanding of household management and family life.
