What goes on inside my mind, it defers from day to day, as it should. With each day, bringing with it new experiences (well at times) and with them, a whole bunch of emotions. These last few months I have been re evaluating my life. It happens as you get older and you realise that this wonderful vessel we get to inhabit, does start to age and with it the need to slow down a little. I'm quite active, what with my work, being a solo mama and my desire to keep my body moving. To continue to be agile and have the ability to climb trees and scale walls and fences if I want/need to. So that I can maintain the lifestyle that I want. Full of spontaneous dancing and and the like.
Which brings me to one fear that I have, the fear that one day, my body will really slow me down. Prevent me from doing the things that I love. A couple of months back, I get a little taste of what it would be like, when my back gave out. When even the smallest movement had me in pain and I was unable to even stand long enough to cook and clean, let alone dance and climb trees. It was a scary reminder, that our bodies are temporary and that we need to look after them, respect them. It was a wake up call really, I've never really had a fitness regime, done yoga or anything like that. But I can see why it is important to do so. Because I still want to be able to run with my girls, to dance regularly and going hiking whenever the urge takes me.
From fear, I move on to hope. One hope that I have for this crazy world that we live in. A hope that within all the chaos, where there is a beautiful movement happening, that this next generation, that my children are a part of, will find a way to live more in harmony with the earth and with one another. If you follow the news and the media, you will likely not be feeling very hopeful about the future. A huge part of the agenda is to keep everyone divided, but there are a lot of people who are doing the opposite. Just step away from the media, go outside and you will see.
And now we move onto ambition. One of my ambitions, especially because of where I live, is to open a animal sanctuary. There are so many animals in need, animals that are being mistreated, abandoned. There are animal rescues here, but they are constantly full. I just have to walk to town and I see a lot of animal cruelty. It's one of the hardest things I find about living here. So many farmers have dogs chained up on very short chains, using them to protect their properties. These animals are always super malnourished, covered in fleas and ticks and left to just die if they get sick, only to be replaced by another dog. There was a law brought in recently to try and protect these dogs, but it still happens.
And now to a failure, one failure in my life. That would be, not being more present for my eldest sister, the last year of her life. I had a lot going on, at least that is what I tell myself. I had spend some weeks with her in the summer, when she was undergoing chemo and t was really hard to watch her go through that. Yet I was hopeful that she would get better. I phoned her at least once a week, but s the weeks went on, she rarely answered my phone calls. Instead sending me a message saying she was resting and that she would call me later. I was so wrapped up in my own life, that I just went with it. Until I saw a picture of her and her appearance shocked me. She was not okay. I should have went straight back to Ireland then, but I didn't. I was still caught up in my life here and just took her word, when she said, she would be okay. I went back, when she was admitted to a hospice and I regret that, I know I failed her.
Now to something more positive, Love. I love my girls, having the opportunity to be their mother, to watch them grow and find their place in this world. For sure it can be challenging and it can be exhausting as well. But the love I have for them, outweighs everything. From the moment I birthed them and lay my eyes on them, my whole being exploded with such a force of love that I did not know was possible and that love, just grows and grows. The interactions that I have with each one of them, all so different, all so enlightening. Being a mother, is the most important thing I have ever done, that I will ever do, I have no doubts about that.
And lastly, we come to hate. Hate is such a strong word, it is not something I use lightly. Our words are spells at the end of the day, what you speak will take shape in some form in your life, so you have to be careful what words you unleash into the world. But lets be honest, we probably all have 1 or 2 things (at least) that we hate. For me, it is people who go out of their way to be cruel, towards other humans, towards animals, towards nature. People who seem to get a kick out of inflicting pain. I am well aware that they probably went through something horrific in their own lives. But we all have a choice. We all get to break the cycle of violence. We all get the opportunity to stop and seek redemption in some form. But there are those who just choose not to, people who take pleasure in blood sports for example. I have no time, no compassion for people who enjoy watching animals being tore apart for sport. No time at all.
Well I hope you all enjoyed this little insight into my mind, courtesy of one of the prompts from the Weekend Engagement challenge. I encourage you to take part or check out some of the other responses, which you will find in the Weekend Experiences Community.
( All photos used in my post are mine.)
