Life can be funny sometimes. It can also begin to get a bit repetitive after a while, which for some people may be okay. But me, I like to mix things up a bit, push myself, face new challenges ( not all the time, mind) and go out and explore the world around me. Those are some of the moments, when I feel most alive. That and when I'm dancing.
I'm not someone that can handle being within walls for a long time. I feel boxed in, in every sense of the word. I crave open spaces, so that my mind can take flight and fly. So that I can have the space to express myself. Being outside, I feel more anchored, more connected.
After reading the following prompt, from the Weekend Engagement Challenge, the first thing that came to my mind, was nature. It had to be moment in the wild.
What were you doing in the moment you felt most alive, passionate and fulfilled?
And for sure, I do feel alive, passionate and fulfilled, when I'm out roaming the mountains or when I was exploring the amazon. How could I not. But the I thought about it, I realised there was something else.
It was when I was doing the most natural thing in the world, in the most natural way. Birthing my daughters. Especially my last two, as they were both born at home. One next to the sea and the other under an ancient olive tree.
I had a completely different experience with my first daughter, I wanted a home birth and that was what was planned. But at the time, I was living in a flat with no garden and oh, how I longed to be outside under a tree. That's what was calling to me. But it wasn't to be and in the end my midwife took me to the hospital.
But the next time, I was walking on the beach as my daughter dropped within me. As it was November and Ireland, I knew I needed to get back to our bus and bell tent, to birth my daughter. The anticipation, as well as feeling so in my body, as I made my way back, slowly. Feeling my baby move within me, as well as every muscle in my body as I concentrated on my breath and each step that I took.
In the end, I was leaning on my ex, as my oldest daughter walked happily beside us. When I got back to our camp, I finally let myself slip fully into my animalistic side. Because my body knew what to do and the last thing you want when you are birthing is to be in your head.
Birth is all about trust and surrendering. Trusting in your bodies ability and surrendering to the dance of birth. That in itself is a whole process.
Being pregnant and getting to experience two natural births, they are for sure the moments when I felt most alive, most passionate and most fulfilled.
I love being a mother. It's still crazy to think that I had these three beautiful beings inside of me. That I carried them, then birthed them and nurtured them. Crazy. Yet so very real, I felt each one of them, as I pushed them out into the world. It was a very intense experience, one where I felt close to death. But oh so alive at the same time.