Does it ever happen to you too!
The desire to sit in one place for hours doing nothing! There is no hope, in despair, I just want to sit from day to night with a feeling of nothingness. I guess this is the feeling of tiredness caused by fighting for something for a long time, or the feeling of letting go after the struggle of having to constantly make choices. At such times, I feel as if my hands and feet are tightly tied to the ground and I cannot move. What I write may be perceived as negative while reading, but I actually like this feeling, I feel free, as if I don't have to do anything. So I breathe in the void, calmly. Calmness was something I always felt lacking in my life. My life has always been in a rush and in motion, especially calmness of mind is what I need most. I'm tired of constantly worrying about something. It's such an anxious life that I've lived all these years without even realizing it. I couldn't realize all the things and most importantly BREATH!
While breathing is the greatest wealth in the world, I realized that I hadn't stopped and enjoyed it once in all this time. Or the sun, for example, that moment when the sun touches a person's face! Or the warm wind, the feeling of closing my eyes and letting myself go into space.
TO EXIST!
What I mean to say is, this is Existence! I have lived this life by running constantly without realizing that I exist, and by constantly making sacrifices for someone. I didn't have a chance to stop and look at myself, it makes me a little sad, but it is comforting to know that everything is when it should be, and that my awareness has increased at the right time for me. Everyone's life purpose, exams are different, I'm trying to find my way. I'm trying to pass the exam but somehow I'm still here and the world is beautiful! While I'm here, I want to live to the fullest. I want to go to the other end of the world and touch your stone, your soil. I want to feel and explore the world to the fullest. I'm sure that day will come and this will be the right time for me. I hope that time is close and I will share with you all my experiences from here. I will work and pray for this wish me luck!
One of the things I want most in life is to be understood! I hope I have put my feelings in writing correctly. Maybe there is someone in the world who shares the same feelings and this will read what I wrote. Hello from here!