One of the lessons I’ve learned from meditating is to treat it all the same. When I first heard this, it confused me. I saw things more in terms of black and white. If I stopped categorizing things as right and wrong, what would happen to morality, sensibility, and my righteous ego?
What happened is that it all went out the window. The practice is about letting it ALL go, not just the stuff I want to let go of.
At first, I had a real sense of doership. That combined with a lack of self-love made me think I couldn’t experience anything positive. I didn’t deserve it and I would have to let it go anyway.. so what’s the point of enjoying anything in the first place? High highs lead to low lows, so figured if I numbed myself to everything, I wouldn’t have to feel. It would all be easy to surrender.
Sometimes I have to try every wrong way before I find the right one. That is the beauty of my process.
After I stopped trying so hard the transition just sort of happened. I could see myself being erratic. That tiny bit of distance from my buffeting emotions made for miles of space. My highs and lows evened out. Mood swings just felt like the wind changing directions and there were no more life-altering waves.
I am not my depression or elation. I am “the universe experiencing itself” and I was doing a disservice to her by wallowing in extremes.
The key is not to be apathetic toward life and it’s not to stop myself from enjoying moments either. It's to treat pleasure and pain with an equal amount of admiration and detachment. It’s to watch them like a movie and enjoy the exposition, bumpy incline, breath-halting climax, exhilarating fall, and unforeseen denouement.
Keeping balance of mind, body, and emotions is vital for a grounded, well-rounded perspective. Life is meant to be lived beautifully and I have power beyond comprehension.
This TedTalk really inspired me this morning and served as a great visual metaphor. Sometimes my mind sways a little too far to one side and simply being aware of the imbalance allows for the regaining of it. Jill was able to expand and contract with her being, while having a front row seat to the interplay of her two-sided mind. How incredible for a neuroscientist to have firsthand experience of infinite potential!
