this is just imho, because emotions are difficult to read. however I think that what he was saying was two fold: 1) (what was not said). you do too much for the kids, you dont do enough for me, 2) (a mirror), i dont do enough for the kids, but i feel guilty about that so i will blame you.

i think that only you can answer some questions. one is - if it isn't true, then why do i hurt?

recently i had an experience wherein i felt shamed for the past, fear that what a stranger said was true, guilt for not doing enough, and blamed by this guy for his actions.. and when i asked myself why that he said mattered, it got me on a good bit of self reflection.

to borrow a phrase from a friend, "hurt people hurt other people", or something along those lines. it has me reflecting on why i get so triggered by other people who have a similar pattern of behavior; its because it reminds me of how hurt i was in the past by the same things. people who bully or ignore or judge.

its easier to blame someone else than to correct our own behavior or calmly explain how we feel to someone who doesnt want to listen. often enough, they want to believe that nothing they do is wrong, that their perception of things is the only rational one.

the feeling of being undervalued and unloved is an easy thing to trigger. men especially see it as a sign of weakness to be exploited, proof that women are inferior because they allow themselves to be provoked.

there are no easy answers.