ok ima rant a bit in reaction to this because i got triggered earlier by a bunch of immature shitheads, because i dont have a thick skin. people will tell me its my fault i got triggered by asshats, they were just having a laugh, no harm meant. really? I am gonna rethink that blame.

sometimes i get cranky and i think, its because i am not in the woods to calm myself. and part of that is true. but i also know that this is just a distrction from the things that do really bother me.

people who ignore me because they are too busy talking over me about themselves. people who dis other people for a laugh, because that puts me right back in grade school when people used to bully me. its not that they are trying to be mean. they are just so unaware that they dont actually see what they are doing.

and im not innocent, i do it myself sometimes, pack mentality, yo. sometimes its difficult to look at yourself in the mirror when you're ugly, but i do try..

theres that oh so fine line between teasing and being a jerk, and its not easy to understand how another people might take your words, or react to your weakness. some people are brought up to believe weakness is something to be laughed at, so they will laugh when you feel hurt and tell you to grow a thicker skin. because its better to act like you arent hurt by someone treating you like an ass than to speak out.

I think about this and think about politics and business and how we just seem to take it up the class entitlement ass, that it doesnt bother the fk out of parents to see their kids going without. even with a two income household, families cant afford rent food and health care for their kids because some asshole CEO needs to be paid two million a year and benefits while his workers get minimum wage and no benefits for part time.

why? because that way the company doesnt have benefits. loopholes courtesy of the political system that favors businesses over peoples basic human needs.

people think that being stoic and thick skinned and pretending that things dont bother them, that THIS makes them strong. I disagree.

I see strength more in our ability to speak up in the face of racism, cruelty, and greed; to speak out against thoughtless people who laugh over misfortune, or anything THEY dont agree with because if they did it would take money out of their pocket. we remember the lessons of grade school, the shut up and take it or else, and we dont think beyond that.

why??

I feel that even tho I will lose respect, or "friends", or monetary gain from someones vote because i dont kiss ass, its better to stay true to who we are. having respect for yourselves sometimes means telling people when they have crossed your lines. and its funny because i do care what people think very much- until i don't. i have this pitiful need to feel liked. but not enough to shut me up when someone is being a douche. so unfeminine of me, I know..