i dont always see it as a shame thing, unless a person is being a jerk on purpose. I see it as a communication thing, like "hey what you said wasnt nice, and here's why". its the other persons prerogative to feel shamed and do backlash, or to react in a caring manner by either apologising or discussing it. The very hard part, what I often fail to master, is doing this before I get so pissed off that I go for the jugular. ;)