Despite the fact that nothing special is happening, in the last few weeks I literally physically feel how reality is changing. Agree that a person who has been living under rocket fire for four years is difficult to surprise or scare. But I guess I'm saying it too carelessly. I'm not surprised or scared. But I feel how fatigue and indifference are growing. I used to be just amused by all the threats sent to us by the mad Russians. Now I look at them with complete indifference.
But that's not the main thing. I don't like my condition in principle. These are probably manifestations of depression. But I struggle to get myself out of bed in the morning. I don't want to move. I don't even want to think.
It's the season of gardening and it would seem that I should spend every free minute in the garden. But nothing comes out. Every evening I tell myself that I will start changing it tomorrow. But tomorrow I'll do only the most necessary things again. And that's it. My energy is running out. And I'm postponing all the plans for tomorrow again.
I have so many things to do... I need to at least clean up the house... But I can't bring myself to do even the simplest things. I was so hoping for spring. I believed that the warmth and the sun would make me stronger and more active. But there is no heat. And there is almost no sun. Every day there is an unpleasant autumn rain. It's more like November than April.
My plants are in no hurry to bloom. The lilac bloomed the first leaves, but it's still a long way to bloom. I see blooming magnolias in many photos, but my magnolia stands without flowers. It's all very sad.
