Dealing with the need for perfection

topkpop(61)

Published in

#video

Words

995

Reading

5 min

Listen

Play

Today I have decided to talk about a bit of a tough topic. I am sure many of you feel or have felt this way and some of you might not even be aware of it until I mention it now. Others, and good for you if you don't get in your own way may not be able to relate to this at all. For the people who can though, I will be talking about a particular topic that is not often discussed.

The Need for Perfection

Why is this need, the need for perfection a bad thing?

Well first off I am obviously not talking about the want or desire to do better, or improve, or even succeed and achieve things, I am talking about the NEED inside of you to be perfect at something and it holds you back. This need that has a little voice in your head silently or not telling you that you are being judged. That you cannot do what you want to do or dream of doing because you are not good enough. You are not perfect enough. You don't deserve it for whatever reason you have made up in your mind. Often times these feelings and thoughts come around because you are scared of something.

Fear can be tied to the need to perfection

Often times the reason we put ourselves up to such high, unattainable standards is that deep down we are scared. We are self-conscious, we are scared of failing, we are scared of being judged and possibly even believe that us being seen as perfect to others as good or great at things is what our self-worth is all about. That their opinions matter the most. I'm here to tell you that they DO NOT.

I have lived part of my life shackled by this need

I have shared with you a few times now that I lived a different life than the one I thought growing up I wanted. I thought as a teenager I wanted to be on stage acting and singing. I knew at least I wanted to sing. Yet, I took no steps, not a one to get better. I never asked for help nor really took help and initiative to improve my skill, my range, anything. It is a what I thought was my dream and put it on the back seat to never be remembered. I also started doing videos related to gaming some 6 or 7 years ago, and I loved that topic and I thought Hey this is pretty cool, but yet I was too scared of being judged, or not having enough to say, in other words needing to be perfect, that it never went anywhere. I did the same with writing. I started around the same time writing fiction and I took a fiction class and writing articles on K-pop, but it never went further. I look back at all those things and realize if I would've just put these needs of perfection, instead of my self-consciousness of thinking since I wasn't perfect or as knowledgeable as I "SHOULD" be, that I should not go forward.

I don't live in the past, and although some of those things haunted me for a while, I'm over it. I am doing them all now for the most part, even if they are in different avenues and different ways. I notice myself everytime I sing that sometimes I take it too seriously and have too many expectations on myself, so I learned to just go with the flow and be me. I write, not to be perfect but to practice and share stories that come to mind, and I do it for me not others. I do videos because it was a fear of mine and I wanted to, NO, NEEDED TO, conquer that fear. So here I am.

To anyone who deals with this need of perfection, you are not alone

That's right. You are not alone. There are many and many of us who deal with this. We deal with this negative need for perfection that has stopped us from doing things, that may still do so. You are not alone. If this feels like you, or someone you know, or even if it is kind of agitating you (then you probably do and didn't know it), then that is okay, you can get through this. It is all up to you.

How do you move on and lessen this need?

That takes practice. The best advice I can give on this is to listen to yourself. Notice the moments you get nervous. Notice the moments that you get tense when you mess up. Listen to what you are saying to yourself in your head, and change that talk. Ask yourself questions like these:

Am I doing this for me?
Am I scared of this or who will see me like this?
Am I proud of the fact that I am trying?
Does my opinion matter the most or does someone else's?
Who is the only one who can be in my mind?
Why am I being so hard on myself?
Are these expectations too high?
Would I expect someone else to meet these expectations I have for myself?
Am I afraid of failing?
Do I love myself?

These are all questions that can you get thinking and being aware of your thoughts. The answers to those and more will get you started on really looking within and evaluating where your head is at. But honestly, the best thing I can say to do is...