Reflections: What is rejection?

Hi Hivers,

One of my topics the past few weeks is rejection. What is rejection or maybe a better question why do I need your connection?

The past few weeks I experience a few surprising rejections. For my practice I am looking for partners, a network for co-creation. I have asked around and I got a few rejections "it doesn't feel good, it's not the right timing or I don´t know how I could contribute". No matter what the reason was, it felt like a rejection.

My ego, has several opinions about rejections. But before I dive deeper, I want to turn the question around.

Why do I need a connection with you?

Instead of focusing on rejection, I want to focus on why I need or want a connection.

A few questions that come to mind

Is it because you have something I don´t ?
Do I not trust my (higher) self?
Do I lack confidence?
Do I want to benefit from you?
Do I want to have a connection and more or something else?
Do you have skills, and I truly believe this could benefit in team effort?
Do you see something I don´t?
Am I too eager to learn?
Am I doing selfsabotage, by purposely connection with you, knowing it doesn´t feel right?

Depending on the connection. I can say "yes" to most of the questions on one connection.

This might sound disturbing. "Why would I purposely do something like that?"
Most of the time I am not aware I am doing it, well not at that specific moment. Just a few moments later I realize what I did and why.

So why do I keep coming back in this loop?

I find it difficult to be patience, sit and wait. Probably because I used to be hyper alert and always anticipating on my environment. The 10 steps ahead, analyzing every move and directing myself to a safe place (which not always works). And I can be very enthusiastic, so enthusiastic I can persuade people to move with me.

So if I start doing from my true core, from within. Everything changes. I am actually doing this for myself. Something I hardly did. And that brings me in a process.

What does it mean to do something truly for yourself, if you always needed or had a backup from somebody else?

In my previous work experience I always had somebody looking over my shoulder and pulled me out of the mess I made. Or in one job I had no-one looking over my shoulder and I had to do everything on my own, even if I begged for help.

Those are a bit of an extreme, and it was my experience.

Since I started to choose for myself and act on what I truly want. All those believes are popping up and put me to the test. "Can I let go of those believes?"..

The answer is.
Yes I can.
How?

That's the challenging part.
How do I stay in the moment, be present and connected to myself?

Counting to 10 might help.. Taking deep breaths, think twice before interaction.
Being mindful, paying attention to my body. What does my body tell me?

And what if I fail? Do I punish myself or am I mindful and forgiving?
Do I love myself enough to make mistakes?

Pretty deep questions and some might say...