I’ve been living with an idea in my head long enough that it feels like a plan, the difference between a plan and it’s process is the gap between where I am and where I want to go,
I’ve been living with an idea in my head long enough that it hasn’t been introduced to where it’ll encounter unforeseen conditions and unpredictable responses,
I’ve been living with an idea in my head long enough that would reveal its most important aspects, the protection feels like care, wisdom, and not wasting the opportunity by rushing,
What would I know about this idea tomorrow that I can’t know today if I move it from my mind to the outside world and tell me what my mind can’t tell me all along,
I’ve been dwelling on an idea in my mind for so long that I’ve come to believe that the idea itself is what exists after it’s tested, revised, and redirected in reality, however, in my mind, the idea and the thing are never the same…
I’ve found myself confusing solutions more productive than building them, building would’ve revealed but I prefer talking because it’s quicker to start and easier to abandon without feeling like I lost anything,
I’ve found myself confusing the feeling of having explained something with the experience of actually understanding it, and the verbal shape becomes so convincing that I stop noticing how little it has taught me about what the work will truly require,
I’ve found myself confusing energy and mistaking it for the energy of the idea itself, it was actually the energy of a specific social performance that resembles creative momentum but produces little of what creative momentum actually produces,
What’s the difference between conversations about work that genuinely advance it and those that replace it, relieving pressure to make it without changing when or if it happens,
I’ve found myself confusing and built elaborate verbal structures around them, but this relief has cost me more than I’ve counted because it mostly relieved the urgency to create the actual thing the talking was supposed to serve…
I’ve followed the idea to an unexpected destination, feeling disoriented as the work guides me rather than my preconceived plans,
I’ve followed the idea to an unexpected destination, what awaited me was more vibrant, precise, genuinely true to the work’s true purpose than the version I initially steered toward,
I’ve followed the idea to an unexpected destination, had to decide whether to honor it by going where it pointed or override it in favor of the plan I had built so confidently. Departing from it felt like admitting I had been wrong about something significant,
When work takes me somewhere unexpected, do I trust the process enough to follow it and be honest with myself about the difference between discovering a direction I never planned and watching the work quietly lose the thread I was trying to hold,
I’ve followed the idea to an unexpected destination, and I’ve learned that a result does not have to match what I imagined to be valuable, because sometimes the most useful discovery is the one that quietly proves my first direction was not the only possibility…
I’ve been wrong about an idea, the realization felt like relief rather than failure because it provided real information after months of analysis and understanding,
I’ve been wrong about an idea, and I know it wasn’t the end but the beginning of a more accurate version—one that being right would never have led me to, because I wouldn’t have looked for what being wrong forced me to find,
I’ve been wrong about an idea, and the test became the place where my preparation finally met what I had not practiced for, revealing how easily I can become confident in what I know while remaining unprepared for what I have never had to consider,
What would I try if I believed being wrong could take me somewhere being right never would, and I could stop treating the wrong result as something I lost and start seeing it as something the testing gave me,
I’ve been wrong about an idea, and the difference has been whether I was attached to being right or finding the truth, until I understand that the moment I choose the truth over my own answer, being wrong stops taking something from me and starts giving me somewhere new to go…
Watchwords:
The idea is not the thing the thing is after testing,
Talking replaced the work and relieved the urgency,
The work led me somewhere I had not planned to go,
The wrongness gave me what the rightness never could,
Attached to finding out what was actually true,
Here is Tikatarot, who dares you to answer the question, “Who am I?”..
As and will always be reminding you to dream: