Unfamiliar Ground Begins Breathing

I turn around because every road that has broken my hopes somehow still feels familiar enough to lure me back into believing that past failure isn’t enough,
I turn around, realizing I have mistaken repetition for safety simply because I have survived it before with unending failures that didn’t back me down,
I turn around, though another part of me keeps whispering that this next time is indeed the ending of a might final change that I needed to see it happen,
I turn around, am I choosing this path or only obeying a memory that refuses to loosen its grip on my hopes, my desires and uncovered mysteries about myself,
I turn around, and the pattern in me keeps hesitating before I do have the chance to hope again…

I answer differently, when my first impulse arrives dressed as certainty after betraying me more times than I can endlessly count,
I answer differently, resisting the quiet reflex, the calmness from within, that always mistakes urgency for wisdom and familiarity for truth,
I answer differently, because the strongest thought, habit and emotions inside me is not always the one most worthy of my trust,
I answer differently, am I protecting my future or defending the cage I already understand despite of the signs that are showing me to choose freedom,
I answer differently, the courage to fight and unfamiliar ground begins breathing beneath my feet once more…

I interrupt gently, the invisible routines stitched into my thoughts long before I ever questioned who sewed them there regardless of fighting against the patterns,
I interrupt gently, recognizing how many reactions have been inherited instead of consciously chosen by my own authentic feelings,
I interrupt gently, even while the older version of me pleads for the comfort of predictable disappointment once again, still, Iw anted to accept and let go of everything else,
I interrupt gently, can I survive becoming unfamiliar to the person I have always been used to believing,
I interrupt gently, believing, creating, becoming as another life quietly asks to begin…

I remain awake, whenever repetition disguises itself as destiny instead of habit waiting to be challenged with tenderness and determining whether this is the one,
I remain awake, refusing to confuse long practice with permanent truth simply because they often wear the same face disguised as hope once again,
I remain awake, knowing even the smallest opposite choice quietly weakens what once felt impossible to escape and impossible to create,
I remain awake, am I repeating yesterday because it is true or because it is comfortable and peaceful,
I remain awake, waiting for things to happen naturally, regardless of the present circumstances as I eagerly anticipate tomorrow, knowing that it will bring changes before I even feel ready…

Watchwords
The pattern hesitates first
Unfamiliar ground begins breathing
Predictable disappointment again
Another life begins
Tomorrow begins changing