The Only Intention I Never Needed to Explain

I’m a channel for something I don’t fully understand yet, and sometimes that feeling of deficiency has felt like the most honest description of my relationship to this deep work,
I’m a channel where my clearest work came when I was most in agreement with myself about my purpose and least distracted by the outcome,
I’m a channel, the most complete things that’ve passed through me were those I didn’t cling to too tightly and trusted to shape themselves rather than I had decided for them,
What in my life right now is asking to come through me, and what am I doing instead of letting it arrive without my constant interference,
I’m a channel, sometimes the cloudiness isn’t laziness or distraction, but the weight of caring too much about whether my words or actions would be more than enough…

I’ve created something, and resist to looked at it the next day, I know I couldn’t feel the same emotions I had when I made it, it felt like the love I had for it had vanished overnight,
I’ve created something, that held a spark while being made and released it into the world, making me question if the spark only felt real when I was too close to it to see clearly,
I’ve created something, and I knew that the knowledge of it lived in the making, not in the finished product, to understand the work, no longer existed the way it did when I was still making it,
What is the unfinished thing that doesn’t survive completion, is it like the loss I grieve every time I finish something, or is it simply the cost of the thing moving from inside to outside,
I’ve created something, and felt the piece leave me in the process, but the moment when the work stops being mine now becomes what it needs to be for the world that receives it…

I’ve been a part of something far larger than my specific project, only realizing its immense scale when I looked back from a distance that I hadn’t yet earned while working on it,
I’ve been a part of something far larger, but it was the most accurate description of my position and the requirements of my role where I was asked not to ask for more than that,
I’ve been a part of something far larger and the uncertainty about my contribution’s significance has caused anxiety, but it can be made without self-consciousness,
What if my current work, though small and uncertain, is precisely what the larger arrangement has been waiting for, regardless of whether I understood my role,
I’ve been a part of something far larger than myself, it was possible because I agreed to not fully understand it and keep showing up without needing the whole picture before I even began…

I carry a way of being in the world that has taken my entire life to arrive which is now the outer evidence of the work I still need to make, it’s not a talent, skill, or vision, but a way of being,
I carry a way of being the work tries to hold, this incompleteness isn’t a failure of the work, but an honest evidence that what I carry is beyond larger than any single thing I’ll ever make from it,
I carry a way of being that exists regardless of my actions and will persist even after my last creation because I’ve realized that carrying this vision is the essence, while making manifestation of it,
What am I still carrying, even if no one sees my creation, is it the core of my intention, or have I become so focused on making that I’ve confused the evidence for the source,
I carry a way of being, my work serves as a reminder of its presence as I don’t own this being, but my sole intention has always been to be it, and I’ve never needed to explain it…

Watchwords:
Clearest when most in agreement with myself,
The charge that lived in the making not the made thing,
Small instrument in a larger arrangement I couldn't see,
The carrying is the thing the making makes visible,
The only intention I never needed to explain...