I wait for the creative process to teach me, and I notice how quickly I want to decide whether an idea is worth keeping before I have really stayed with it long enough,
I wait for the creative process to teach me, and part of me still wants the first attempt to prove that I was willing to begin, even when the making itself is asking different demands,
I wait for the creative process to teach me, and I feel that small disappointment when something I imagined clearly refuses to look the pure once it reaches my hands,
I wait for the creative process to teach me, and can I let myself feel disappointed without immediately trying to force the piece back into the shape I once expected,
I wait for the creative process to teach me, and maybe the version that surprises me is not the version that failed, but the first version that finally started speaking for itself…
I want to follow what shifts, I can feel my resistance whenever something begins moving away from the direction I carefully chose around it,
I want to follow what shifts, sometimes I hold the original idea tighter simply because I have already spent so much of myself believing in it and disagreeing feels abandoning,
I want to follow what shifts, there is an uncomfortable grief in admitting that the thing I wanted may not be the thing that wants to exist in a place of certainty,
I want to follow what shifts, can I notice when I am protecting my attachment instead of protecting the work itself it feels harder to let go,
I want to follow what shifts, perhaps changing direction is not losing what I started, but finally seeing what the beginning was trying to bring into possibilities…
I shall leave some space, the unfinished parts make me restless because they give me nowhere certain to place my expectations,
I shall leave some space, I keep wanting to fill every silence with another decision so I will not have to sit with the possibility that I simply do not know yet,
I shall leave some space, I realize how much control can disguise itself as peace when I become afraid that anything I loosen will disappear,
I shall leave some space, can I resist touching everything just because I am afraid that leaving it alone means I am neglecting its natural process?
I shall leave some space, sometimes what needs the most from me is not another correction but enough time and space to reveal what I could not have planned…
I need to return with a different set of eyes, what bothered me before sometimes looks less like a flaw and more like a clue I was too impatient to fully understand,
I need to return with a different set of eyes, I can finally acknowledge that my initial judgment was often influenced more by effects than by the actual reality of the situation,
I need to return with a different set of eyes, there is relief in realizing I do not have to defend every choice simply because I once made it once and it doesn’t mean I shall seek forever,
I need to return with a different set of eyes, can I look honestly at what I made without needing it to justify the person it was once begun,
I need to return with a different set of eyes, when I stop asking the work to prove itself until I truly understand, and it feels more honest seeing differently doesn’t betray my starting point; it allows the work to transcend my initial idea…
Watchwords:
The work is asking different questions
The first version started speaking
Protecting my attachment instead
Enough room to reveal
When my first instinct was right
Here is Tikatarot, who dares you to answer the question, “Who am I?”..
As and will always be reminding you to dream: