Indeed, I was sociable but until now, I haven’t discovered what’s the rest…
We’re still young then our parents taught us how to be sociable and have new friends especially at school to explore yourself and others.I was also adventurous back then, not until now when I didn't think about school that much even though you're just making new friends and exploring new places you haven’t visited before. I know I was brave back then able to cross and conquer every assignment, game and whatever challenge comes, I am ready. But, not until now where I need to calculate every risk along the way as I might jeopardise my job, may name or even my pride and dignity.
Now, given so much expectations from you, from the world around you, we need to adhere to common acceptable standards to maintain your image, your beauty, your name, your dignity and even your reputation. We even need to present a friendly face on the outside even if you don’t feel like putting on your two-faced smile. Of course, can I mind asking why? Because my parents said so, I said so, and I need to!
One needs to have a public account like Facebook, Instagram, Tweeter or worse to maintain and pay a monthly subscription on your personal website to let others know you’re the “real deal” even though it‘s too hard to bear. If you're just there idle for a long time, it seems you're alone, went bankrupt, worst judged as being an anti-social freak. You need to maintain a certain number of friends and maintain your thousand of followers to maintain a certain kind of public image. And yes, life does change us…
And now, is it wrong if sometimes I need to seclude myself from some gathering, public gatherings and meeting new customers and strangers along the way?...
I’ve tried to bring back the 10-year old me from what is me now. Sometimes I’ve tried not to be cautious of every person I meet, not to read them or understand their eyes, their smiles or even their behaviour. I opt not to distrust appearances from their public opinions. I am even having a hard time accepting compliments or giving and accepting gifts from others. I’ve also tried to conceal myself in an unauthentic way out of the social hurdles in order to escape from all of their judgements, comments or side stories from the image I project to others… Despite fearing that I might also conceal the image I want to project from my own true SELF.
Even to the point I was confused of who I really am…
These conflicts hindered me from seeking solitude. I think one needs to consider a silent retreat every now and then in order not to contain yourself from these emotional silence. A good relationship to yourself will truly save from others judgement or even to your OWN judgement…
Let solitude channel you to the journey of who you truly are, not as an ESCAPE to bear social phobia or to hold you to loneliness...
Here is Tikatarot, who dares you to answer the question, “Who am I?”...
As and will always be reminding you to dream: