Let's talk about the intersectionality between capitalism and Cinemark theater marketing. I probably could have used a different word than intersectionality, but given my penchant for fabulosity (and on account of how all the kool kidz are dropping it with such prolificacy), it seemed an appropriate method to burnish my hipster SJW credentials..
Cinemark has data showing that Monday is their most 'dead' day in terms of sales. so naturally they've assigned that as Senior Citizen discount day on account of the similarity between their Monday sales and the targeted customer's proximity to death. That's some Don Draper level of marketing genius at work there folks. Maybe not on the level of the Jews who found a way to turn crushed carbon into gold, but you still need to attribute credit where it's due.
Fixed income seniors like myself, who grew up in the 60's (that'd be 1960 just to be clear..) were weaned on one dollar matinees, so adjusted for inflation, and the 'how much do you think we can squeeze outta the old bastards?" focus group discussions, a price of six dollars was (grudgingly) settled upon.
Tuesdays also reflected the same dismal sales returns as Mondays. The idea of just extending Tuesday to seniors was put on the table, but the physio-psychology studies determined that few seniors would have the interest, wealth, or stamina to attend two days consequetively so they decided to modify the Monday senior discount and expand it out to all the jetsam and flotsam America has to offer on Tuesdays.
All of Tuesday's movie patrons get the same sweet old people discount as I do on Monday, but will be sharing the theater with a sea of slobbering youth and fiddgety toddlers, That's enough to scare all but the most grisseled seniors out of attendance right there, even before accounting for the malaise of being surrounded by all the kids who refuse to get off their lawns.
And Good morning everybody! Special thanks to Cinemark for being such great sports. Their facility is so fine here in Fort Collins the discount days are, in my honest opinion, a gift to the community at large (see my Yelp review) Even when they're profiteering and popcorn pillaging our youth on Friday and Saturday date nights I think back to my youth and ask myself "Is there any price too high that I wouldn't have paid it to get a chance at scoring with Mary Sue? I think you all know the answer. #hoboheretic Enjoy
