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Ever had a moment where you feel completely awkward in the presence of your friends and don't know what to say or do? That was me today, when I visited one of my friends and met other people there as they were doing a Bible study together in the living room.
Seeing me walk into that living room brought excitement to my friend face, because of whom he knows me to be when it comes to discussing faith and spiritual matters, but I felt completely out of place about how to contribute to the conversation in a meaningful way. Even when my friend sought my input on the topic being discussed, I hesitated and told I was not in the right frame of mind to join the discussion.
In my mind I felt so ashamed of myself that being someone who is known for being a Bible teacher, I couldn't find a word to engage in a simple matter of faith. Honestly, I think I have deteriorated spiritually to the extent that I can't barely recall the simplest Bible verses I used to know by heart. Life has a way of pulling you away from the thing you once held dear, and I am realizing how much I have drifted from what I used to be over the past few years.
Bible study and reading used to be a daily practice for me. It was something like a daily ritual I couldn't skip each morning and night. The first one hour of my morning used to be dedicated to prayers, Bible reading and meditation before I even checked my phone or doing anything else. But somewhere along the way, l lost that discipline as anxiety about life and needs began to consume my thoughts.
Anxiety is such a powerful force that can consume your entire being and keep you from the things that once brought you peace and fulfillment. Anxiety can rob you of your joy, your purpose, and your connection to what truly matters.
While walking back home from my friend's house, I started thinking about how much I need to get back to reading and studying the Bible again, if I want to keep my circle of friends and relevance among others in my faith community. It has been more than a year since I last opened the Bible or any book for reading. All these weren't because I became much busy but I allowed life's challenges to overwhelmed me and pulled me into a constant state of anxiety that made me lose interest in the things that once cherished.
I think I need to go back to my reading table and dust off my Bible and other spiritual books that I have long abandoned and make a commitment to revive my knowledge and prayer life. Bible reading and prayers used to be a source of comfort and strength in times of life's challenges, but somehow, challenges pulled me away from both instead of drawing me closer to them.
Starting tomorrow morning I am going to wake up early, sit at my reading table and try reading the Bible for at least 30 minutes before I do anything else. I know it won't be easy to start sitting over a book again like I used to do, but I believe it's necessary if I don't want to continue feeling awkward among my friends and my faith community.
