Lately, I have been feeling as if I am standing still as the rest of the world moves around me. It seems as if everything around me is moving at lightning speed, and I am just not able to keep up. It doesn’t matter what direction I turn my life, I feel as if I am falling behind, but I have no idea where to begin fixing it.
Last night, I didn’t sleep. I spent hours thinking about how I got to this point in my life. I tried to think back and figure out when things started to go off the rails for me. Years of poor health, financial struggles, and just trying to keep my family together have all taken a toll on me. But what really hit me hard was how far I’ve strayed from my spiritual side. I used to have a strong faith and pray about everything, but somewhere along the way, I let that part of me slip away.
My mind is no longer at peace. I have worries that range from small things to big things. I feel like peace is something I once knew but no longer have. I once found balance through my faith. I once felt grounded despite the difficulties that I was going through. Now, I feel like I am lost and confused. I am no longer sure where I am headed. I find it hard to cope with what I am going through. I find it hard to think about what I am headed for because I feel lost.
As I sat alone in the quietness of the night, feeling overwhelmed and almost in tears, I realized that I don’t need a miracle. I don’t need things to change overnight. I need something very simple. I need to reconnect with God. I need to find my spiritual foundation that I once stood on. I once found my clarity through my faith. Now, I feel like I am carrying a heavier burden.
Living with fear and worry has a way of impairing one’s judgment. I am not willing to continue living like this. I want to experience peace once again in my life.
While I know that not all people share the same beliefs, all people hold something that gives them hope and something that gives their lives meaning. Faith is not the same for everyone, but faith does come in different forms. Mine has been absent, and I need to reclaim that faith before I completely lose myself as a person.
So I have made a quiet decision: I am going to start over. I am going to try and reconnect with my faith and slowly rebuild my spiritual life. I am going to start by reading my Bible, one step at a time, and maybe even relearn how to pray. It is a small step, but I know that this is the beginning of my healing, my peace of mind, and my finding my way forward.
