EXT. A LIBRARY - AFTERNOON
Kind doctor PROF CHLOE WALKER is arguing with brave private detective MISS NAOMI FERGUSON. CHLOE tries to hug NAOMI but she shakes her off.
CHLOE
Please Naomi, don't leave me.
NAOMI
I'm sorry Chloe, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away.
CHLOE
I am such a person!
NAOMI frowns.
NAOMI
I'm sorry, Chloe. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
NAOMI leaves.
CHLOE sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, witty computer programmer PROF DICK RAMSBOTTOM barges in looking flustered.
CHLOE
Goodness, Dick! Is everything okay?
DICK
I'm afraid not.
CHLOE
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
DICK
It's ... a goblin ... I saw an evil goblin trick a bunch of elderly gents!
CHLOE
Defenseless elderly gents?
DICK
Yes, defenseless elderly gents!
CHLOE
Bloomin' heck, Dick! We've got to do something.
DICK
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
CHLOE
You can start by telling me where this happened.
DICK
I was...
DICK fans himself and begins to wheeze.
CHLOE
Focus Dick, focus! Where did it happen?
DICK
Sydney Opera House! That's right - Sydney Opera House!
CHLOE springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
CHLOE rushes along the street, followed by DICK. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
INT. SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE - SHORTLY AFTER
MARK SWEET a cold-blooded goblin terrorises two elderly gents.
CHLOE, closely followed by DICK, rushes towards MARK, but suddenly stops in her tracks.
DICK
What is is? What's the matter?
CHLOE
That's not just any old goblin, that's Mark Sweet!
DICK
Who's Mark Sweet?
CHLOE
Who's Mark Sweet? Who's Mark Sweet? Only the most cold-blooded goblin in the universe!
DICK
Blinkin' knickers, Chloe! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most cold-blooded goblin in the universe!
CHLOE
You can say that again.
DICK
Blinkin' knickers, Chloe! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most cold-blooded goblin in the universe!
CHLOE
I'm going to need rainbows, lots of rainbows.
Mark turns and sees Chloe and Dick. He grins an evil grin.
MARK
Chloe Walker, we meet again.
DICK
You've met?
CHLOE
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young CHLOE is sitting in a park listening to some classical music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.
She looks up and sees MARK. She takes off her headphones.
MARK
Would you like some jelly babies?
CHLOE's eyes light up, but then he studies MARK more closely, and looks uneasy.
CHLOE
I don't know, you look kind of cold-blooded.
MARK
Me? No. I'm not cold-blooded. I'm the least cold-blooded goblin in the world.
CHLOE
Wait, you're a goblin?
CHLOE runs away, screaming.
INT. SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE - PRESENT DAY
MARK
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
DICK
(To CHLOE) You ran away?
CHLOE
(To DICK) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
CHLOE turns to MARK.
CHLOE
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
CHLOE runs away.
She turns back and shouts.
CHLOE
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with rainbows.
MARK
I'm not scared of you.
CHLOE
You should be.
INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - LATER THAT DAY
CHLOE and DICK walk around searching for something.
CHLOE
I feel sure I left my rainbows somewhere around here.
DICK
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly rainbows.
CHLOE
You know nothing Dick Ramsbottom.
DICK
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, MARK appears, holding a pair of rainbows.
MARK
Looking for something?
DICK
Crikey, Chloe, he's got your rainbows.
CHLOE
Tell me something I don't already know!
DICK
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
CHLOE
I know that already!
DICK
I still wear nappies.
MARK
(appalled) Dude!
While MARK is looking at DICK with disgust, CHLOE lunges forward and grabs her deadly rainbows. He wields them, triumphantly.
CHLOE
Prepare to die, you cold-blooded cauliflower!
MARK
No please! All I did was trick a bunch of elderly gents!
NAOMI enters, unseen by any of the others.
CHLOE
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those elderly gents were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Chloe Walker defender of innocent elderly gents.
MARK
Don't hurt me! Please!
CHLOE
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these rainbows on you right away!
MARK
Because Chloe, I am your father.
CHLOE looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.
CHLOE
No you're not!
MARK
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
MARK tries to grab the rainbows but CHLOE dodges out of the way.
CHLOE
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, MARK slumps to the ground.
DICK
Did he just faint?
CHLOE
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly rainbows.
CHLOE crouches over MARK's body.
DICK
Be careful, Chloe. It could be a trick.
CHLOE
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Mark Sweet is dead!
CHLOE
What?
CHLOE
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
DICK claps his hands.
DICK
So your rainbows did save the day, after all.
NAOMI steps forward.
NAOMI
Is it true? Did you kill the cold-blooded goblin?
CHLOE
Naomi how long have you been...?
NAOMI puts her arm around CHLOE.
NAOMI
Long enough.
CHLOE
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Mark Sweet.
NAOMI
Then the elderly gents are safe?
CHLOE
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable elderly gents enter, looking relived.
NAOMI
You are their hero.
The elderly gents bow to CHLOE.
CHLOE
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Mark Sweet will never trick elderly gents ever again, is enough for me.
NAOMI
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the elderly gents passes CHLOE a healing bell
NAOMI
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
CHLOE
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.
CHLOE
Well, if you insist.
CHLOE takes the bell.
CHLOE
Thank you.
The elderly gents bow their heads once more, and leave.
CHLOE turns to NAOMI.
CHLOE
Does this mean you want me back?
NAOMI
Oh, Chloe, of course I want you back!
CHLOE smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
CHLOE
Well you can't have me.
NAOMI
WHAT?
CHLOE
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a goblin to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
NAOMI
But...
CHLOE
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Dick.
DICK grins.
NAOMI
But...
DICK
You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
NAOMI
Chloe?
CHLOE
I'm sorry Naomi, but I think you should skidaddle.
NAOMI leaves.
DICK turns to CHLOE.
DICK
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
CHLOE
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly DICK stops.
DICK
When I said I still wear nappies, you know I was just trying to distract the goblin don't you?
THE END