You're a funny gal who has a way with words. Although most of us bloggers don't like to admit it, we tend to skim and scan most posts that catch our eye. But, every so often we start to read an article and we are captured by its creativity and the picture the author paints with their words.
Needless to say, I really enjoyed reading your post and laughed out loud through much of the article. So much of what you included has been experienced by most gardeners, but we garden on.
I love your ode for men who are not cut out for "safe" lines of work: I'm not sure
how most Men would get anything done without a healthy daily dose of everything listed in your ode.

Japanese Beatles are a real nightmare for all gardeners. Killing them with your bare hands is also how I go about it when I don't have my bowl of water with some liquid dish detergent in it, at hand. I find that these pests are very docile early in the morning and just fall off of whatever plant they are perched on. I just hold the bowl under the plant and give it a little shake and gleefully watch them fall to their death into the solution. During the day they tend to fly off, making their demise a little less likely.

Wonderful post.