I was fortunate to have friends when I was young, but we didn't move around like you did. Over the years I have lost contact with essentially all of them, save one. I too now have pulled away from others to an extent. Trauma and health issues have ways of changing you, and making your view of the world change as well. I guess in the end it always comes down to life isn't fair. I've always had to struggle to get ahead, no family fortune to fall back on. Yet I consider myself lucky because there are so many who have had life so much harder, like you. You've lost a lot over the last years, and had some gains too. I hope those new gigs are helping out financially and not overworking you. That's really bad for your health!