This post resonated with me because sometimes I get that feeling of “hey, I’m busy doing xyz and the important things in life are passing me by” and then I remember that I am grateful to have a life that so many people wish they could have.
Why did this resonate with me so much? I get a multitude of questions about my life and lifestyle. These are some of what I get every so often from my Mum, family, friends and even strangers:
• Why are you still single?
• Why are you not married?
• You’re a good-looking man, why don’t you have a gf?
• Where/Who’s your gf?
• How come you haven’t introduced us to your gf?
Ever since I first moved to Canada, I have been somewhat of a nomad. I hardly stay 5 years in one place, but so far Calgary and Ottawa are tied at 5 years for the towns I have lived in semi-continuously. With so much moving around I hardly have a chance to “settle down and put roots” in a specific city/town.
I also get asked if I feel like I’m missing out on some things and I usually respond by saying that I can’t miss out on something I’ve never had. Often, what I imagine I’m “missing out” on and I eventually get turns out to either be underwhelming or not worth the trouble in the first place. So, there are very few things that I have a fear of missing out (FOMO) on. I FOMO on having kids because evidence suggests it is a fun and rewarding experience, but I also know I am not ready to have kids just yet.
I don’t technically date anymore but I am always on the lookout for a pretty face. Based on current evidence, I would need to find a woman who is independent and understands what I am doing and why I am doing it. It will take a lot of explaining and compromise but I am ready for that. I have medical studies looming for the next 4+ years, I have a burgeoning business coming up, and I still have the travel bug in me, which may never abate 😉
My buddy’s wife recently lamented, “Thapelo, you will never find a wife if you don’t settle down. Women like security and right now you don’t look like a guy who can provide security.” She hurt my feelings! Yeah, I kinda have feelings sometimes if you haven’t noticed. After the hurt had subsided, I thought about it, and then remembered that the best advice people can give is based on their own experience. She was just saying she wouldn’t marry me. That makes it simple. Feelings unhurt! Problem solved.
However; she raised a valid point. Do I want to get married? Yes. Do I want to provide security for my wife and family? Yes, most men want that and I am most men sometimes, but not the security she describes. So that got me thinking, how do I know what I am doing is worth it? I don’t really know for sure, but I set some goals years ago and wrote them down, they are slowly coming to fruition in their right time. Srikumar Rao says and I’m paraphrasing, “once you set your intentions on a goal, forget the outcome because you cannot control the outcome, but rather invest in the process and enjoy the journey. Let go of the goal, a Benevolent Universe will provide.” Focus on the process and the things that bring you joy and that’s what makes life worth it.
Back to the security question, and how it ties in with me focusing on the process that will get me a good life and an amazing wife. How do we reconcile the two? I went back to a document I was working on called a LifeBook. This is a concept Jon and Missy Butcher came up with to categorise your life into 12 categories, I know categorise categories, hehehe. Anyways, 12 categories where you define your version of success in each category. For example, I don’t believe you need a lot of money to travel the world and live like a King. I believe the ability and the experience of travel is in and of itself a success. Other people might not. So, I defined success in my emotional life and love relationships in my own terms in my LifeBook. Again, whenever you think there’s a problem, Robin Sharma says you should ask yourself this question, “Where’s The Opportunity Here? WTOH?”
So, it’s all good, I don’t need to find a wife who wants a type of security I can’t provide. I just start meeting more and more people who are like me and even if they aren’t, I can find people who can tolerate me and my nomadic lifestyle.
Back to the young lady who’s lost out on the guy she loves because she was studying for the United States Medical Licensing Exam (USMLE), I totally relate. We as med students will get into situations where we must sacrifice our social lives to get our visions in proper alignment and order. We just need to know our priorities and for her, I’d say WTOH?
I am losing friends right now because I believe in being of service to humanity through science and medicine. Other people’s vision for me is in other fields and I see why they think so, but my spirit rejoices when I imagine the journey ahead. Who knows, in a few years I might say, yeah, I found another passion so I am going for that. I’m going to be a flight attendant and fly for free all over the world. Which I totally wanna do by the way so jus sayin. Don’t be surprised 😊
Lots of Love and Light Good Poeples.
PS. I haven’t written academic papers in a while so I have not cited everything as well as I am supposed to but I will be coming back to put in links and hyperlinks and proper citations for things that need citations.
