When I was in my second year of school, I was under a lot of pressure to deliver, especially academically. Schoolwork became thoroughly burdensome and I found myself buckling under the pressure.
Most times, I would find myself crying in my bed. I would carry all these weight and at night, I would finally pick through them and start crying. I was so sad, almost depressed even. And the saddest thing of all was that there was no one I could really share my worries with at the time.
In second year, school became really hectic. We had a lot of projects to do for different courses. Most of the projects were unfamiliar but we just had to give in our best, even when we were not adequately taught. Our lecturers used these projects to give us our final scores which could either be a pass or a fail, depending on how well they were carried out. I am a perfectionist sort of, especially when it comes to academic work. I prefer to get the job done myself than to allocate it to someone else. Because I always feel I would carry out the job to utmost excellence, at least.
Our lecturers always split us into groups for any projects assigned. We rarely did individual projects. And one thing about doing projects in groups is that you get to work with different folks. There are some people who are so lazy, they wouldn't even show up for anything at all. There are some who thinks that just contributing financially is enough. And there are those who wouldn't hesitate to put you down no matter how hard you work. Anyway, when we were split into groups, I always got chosen as the group leader. Sometimes, I came forward to stand in as one if no one chose to. I always thought it was just as well. It meant I could ensure we got our projects neatly done. I could be the perfectionist I wanted to be.
Carrying these responsibilities took a huge toll on me. I was always stressed out, always in a rush, always busy. An environment (school) that I once loved suddenly became hell for me. Whenever i was heading to school, i would feel this rising pressure in my stomach and chest. It was like something tight was squeezing and squeezing. It became hectic. I found myself falling ill and having all sort of stomach issues which indicated stress. Once or twice, I broke down in school, in front of people. I was crying in front of a crowd and I wondered what was wrong.
It took someone else to show me why before I realized. This person told me that I was feeling so stressed because I wouldn't let other people shoulder the responsibility with me. I wouldn't delegate tasks to anyone. I wanted to do everything by myself because I wanted perfection. And all these projects wasn't a one man’s job. That was what I failed to realize. I realized that wanting to do everything by myself without any help had brought chaos into my life. And I needed to relax and give other people the reins sometimes. I needed to let go. I needed to split the work and stop proving too strong or too smart. I needed to realize that i could still work with other people to get the perfection i so much desired.
He told me I needed to find ways to relax and destress; just let things go sometimes. I needed to dial things back a notch and live slow at times. And when i thought hard, I found a couple of things that makes my day less hectic. These things keeps me calm and help me find peace whenever I find myself feeling stressed out or getting this pressure in my chest.
The first one is doodling. I just love scribbling and making silly drawings. Sometimes, I download such drawings to replicate them in my notebook. I find it calming and relaxing. I don't have to think about anything except just doodling whatever's on my screen or on my mind.
The next is music. Like they say, music is a healing balm to the soul. It is what brings peace even when the world could be going to hell. Whenever I'm anxious or feel stressed, I listen to slow sad songs. Not upbeat ones full of drums qnd so much bads. Just something soft and melodic and calming. Songs from artistes like Jaymes Young, Lord Huron and others. Music brings me peace in a world of chaos.
I also love to read. Books tend to lift you out of the world you are in and transport you to it's own world. Books make you forget how chaotic one's world could be even for a little while. You could fantasize and live as if you were the character in the book you are reading. It is what I do. It works for me. One of my comfort books is Eleanor & Park. This book is so dear to my soul. It's my very first love.
Doing these things makes my day enjoyable. It helps me slow down from all the rush, loudness, and harshness of life. When I doodle, or read or listen to music, I just sort of think the world is more beautiful. Everything becomes richer, fuller and brighter.
All images are mine
