Back in the days of our humble beginnings, when I used to do stand-up comedy – you know that kind of comedic art you do while standing up, yes, that is what it means. Honestly, those times were stressful really. Maybe that is or was why I resorted to Hive to do my sit-down comedy, you know on a comfortable seat and jumping on my computer keys to make people laugh. Anyway, it is not still comfortable at all on a plastic chair, so a donation of an ergonomic chair will be appreciated.😁
Image designed by me with Canva, original picture from Pixabay
However, it was one of those humble days that I remembered when nobody knew me. Did I even know myself as a comedian? There was really no buzzing around, no private life as public, I was just the go do your thing on stage, get out, and go home person.
So, that fateful day, I had just finished a comedy session and, as I said earlier, I didn’t waste time flying out to get the next ride to my parent's home. I had to wait for a passing taxi to be flagged down. While waiting, my eyes caught a rare gem. Certainly not one element on the periodic table but one beautiful lady just some feet away. She was one I have never seen in my life. Yes, that is a lie. I know right. Well, as far as I have grown, she did catch my attention. But here comes a problem. I was a struggling school guy who has not even touched the helm of the garment of the comedy world. And you know ladies nowadays want no broke guy, hence I devised a plan (wicked laughter).
Growing up, I do listen to how some grown-up guys talk about ladies and how they got them and stuff like that. One of those things was a “key” or rather “a bunch of keys”. This stems from the fact that then, ladies are always kind of attracted to a man (or boy) holding keys. "Keys are keys", I said to myself, be it for a toilet, locker, a broken one, or a real car key. As the universe would have it for me, I had a bunch of keys with me which included the ones I mentioned above. Carefully, I took them out of my pocket so it makes no sound and then stylishly walked to the immediate radius where the lady was, dangling my supposed car keys, and showing up looking ignorant of her. Nooo!, too much sense in this my small head.
Unknowingly, or as I planned, she got my attention or, should I say, that of the keys. After some seconds, I looked at her side and she was already smiling at me. Well, not that huge grin but something to build on. I smiled back with a tint of ignorance. Then, I moved closer to her, “Hey beautiful” I said. Some conversation ensued, and then she asked “I suppose you don’t have a car”. As a smart guy, I understood what she meant. I replied “It’s just down there”, pointing into the long dimly-lit highway. Then, she said she would like to go for a ride with me. I sank and resurrected within a second. Oh no, my plan had gone farther than I expected. Because I honestly only wanted to catch her attention with the keys and just get her contact. That is all.
Well, I gotta escape the impending shame. I told her we would have to walk to where it was. A long walk to freedom it is. We were at the Mokola Flyover and we journeyed towards Gate bus stop. We were beginning to bond and gisted all through. Mind you, I didn’t specify my supposed car’s location. When we passed UCH a bit, as if she knew that was where I had in mind that she was going to grow tired, she asked again, "where did you say your car was". I replied, ‘Down there”. But she wasn't backing out, so I directed our journey toward Iwo road then.
Again, I asked for her contact but she kind of declined saying that she would give me when we reach the car. I could sense she was getting tired, she asked the question again. Guess my reply? I said, Down there! Pointing into the road again. Iwo road was usually somewhere that was crowded, after passing through the crowd and trying to look back to see the babe.. Alas! She has disappeared. I could laugh or cry because I thought either she learned her lesson the hard way or she is a metaphysical being. But I was sure it was the former. I was almost reaching my destination, she had gladly saved me some money by being my accomplice on the trekking journey that was about 6.5km. You all know my destination (or the car’s) was just down there. It was not my fault, was it?