Have you been feeling eaten and affected by the toxins around you? Don't worry that's quiet normal. Well, it’s kinda hard to avoid toxic people. Sometimes, they cover themselves with fancy clothes, beautiful faces, kind words, and so much more. They usually appear to be something else. They're always there. What's worse is when they're already tied up to you as a friend, family, coworker, lover or something else. Something so close to you. Life's toxins ain't just limited to people, it could be your job, the way you think or even yourself.
Image Source : Pixabay - Get Me Out
In any way, they could affect you. They'd let you feel bad about yourself, they will enclose you in a dark room. They will create those dark bubbles on your mind and let you feel bad about everything around you. I warn you, be careful!
Let me share with you what I did with my life. A few months ago, I've been in that dark room. Nothing felt good. I was living my life day by day just to sustain myself, no dreams, no direction, no good things as I was just looking on the bad ones. It's when you feel like you're used to everything, and feeling of familiarity is there but you were never happy. It's kinda different with what they call genuine happiness.
Yes, you'd probably laugh for a few hours, giggle for like a few minutes but then you nag and nag and nag for countless hours. I was that person but I would never want to be like that for my entire life. NO,NEVER!
I would never want to be the toxin in someone else's life.
At that time, I wasn't able to see all the good things that life has offered. I was just seeing all the darkness and worst things in the world. Why? I don't really know but here's what I thought. Probably, well a big probably - people around me might have been acting that way too, so I acted that way. Hmmm yes? no? I don't know. Or maybe, that's just me - that's how I react with life's challenge.
I felt tired about everything. Tired with dealing with all the people around me, the people we coordinate with at work (not my team mates). So I asked myself, do I want to see myself in this bad situation all the time and for the next years? Of course no. Then the next question would be, how will I get out from this? How? The big question is how.
I was also tired with the routine, my daily routine. I kept asking myself if I'm really contented with what I have. Am I happy with what I'm doing? Well, I can't say that I'm happy. Probably, familiar but not happy and contented. I can't say that I'm good with what I'm doing because I also get issues with my tasks but what I'm sure with is that if I'd have the chance to get a new job and leave every negativity and darkness behind, why not? If it means giving up what I have now (which is not really much), then I'd do it.
Everyday, I deal with people that makes me angry. People that annoys me. With that, I always end up leaning on negativity. I'm not saying that everyone in the office is like that, but it's just that I really get affected with those people. It's like they're ruining my mind and carving the worst person inside me.
As days go by, I see my work and everything as a dark room. The thrill and excitement that I had when I was a newbie faded away. I want that thrill again!
It gets worse as days go by, I just want myself to be away from all the triggers and such.
As I've said in my previous blog, I wanna chase my dreams! I want a new world!
I am not saying that toxins will be out of my life after I get out of here but I'm sure that it would be exciting. If I'd have to go far away then I'll say yes to that.
You might be thinking that I still act and think like a kid, indeed I do.
This is not to defame my current employer, it's just that this type of project doesn't really work well with me. I'm no good with being patient with others as it will just trigger the worst person inside me.
If you'd ask me whether I would want to come back ,I'd say yes. I just need a lot of time to develop patience and to reset myself.
I already submitted my resignation to my current employer. Now, I'm just counting the days for the start of my new beginning!
