if you have not seen the truman show yet then you should stop reading now because this blog post will make no sense, check out the trailer below and go watch it then come back to this post as it will make a lot more sense and you’ll understand where i’m coming from — what an odd experience! :)
i am patient three
so it appears that not only am i timelord but i have the ability to push the boundaries of want and need and have also built in a certain amount of sarcasm aimed at my past or future self (depending on what time period you meet me in) because this morning was super bizarre. normal routine, odd outcome. went to take my prescription as per usual, decided against taking the car, i would walk and i would leave my wallet here as i don’t need anything from the shop and i’d have to pick up the prescription on wedesnday anyway so no need right?
the truman show is a classic in my eyes, it really hit me for six when i watched it, i thought jim carry was outstanding in it, the musical score, the crafting of the scenes, linear life routine with this man wanting more, remembering a love of his life, taking on fear, brilliant movie.
i get to the doctors and the first thing i see is a sign saying that the pharmacy is closed until the 31st, not a big issue as i know they normally leave the regulars the monthly scripts that they get. thing was i didn’t have a prescription in. as soon as i get to the usual hand in counter she has my prescription ready. wwwwwaaahhh. now, that’s not really strange seeing as the woman at the pharmacy has quit and she normally expects me to have one once a month but it’s just the timing of it and a reminder to always be pushing passed your own expectations.
i’m a bit of idiot, that i know, i’m fine with it. i allow things to roll over me and i just take it on the chin, i had left my inhaler to run down to a few days, no backup, starting to cause my some anxiety if i couldn’t get one or have the resources to get one or needed to use it because i could not sleep. it’s mainly nighttimes that i need one anyway to help me sleep if my chest is tight. i didn’t take my wallet because i’ll be picking it up on wendesday, i’ll not take the car, i’ll walk, drop it off, done. the universe however had other plans.
i had not even considered that the doctors/pharmacy might have been thinking ahead, planning ahead for me, because i usual need it, so let’s get it made up ‘just in case’ — we can learn a lot about this for our own relationships and client work, doing extra, evaluating future need, where we are going to next and having some of those things covered. made me feel like a goddamn time travel. it made me realise that i now had a straight shot through to thursday morning to get this course done, no nipping out to pick up the prescription, nothing to have floating in the back of my mind.
i’m not sure why i had discounted the fact that this might be a possibility, i find it hugely interesting that i had removed all possibility that one might be there waiting for me, after all the facts are that for the last few times i’ve been it’s been the same case. maybe i’m just not as positive that things ‘turn out for me like that’ that i had blinded myself for even considering it, maybe i was not also taking it for granted due to having a selfish survivalist intent, maybe i’m putting the barriers there because i don’t want to be let down if it’s not the case. how often do we do this and what does it take to shake that and open up the possibility of cause and effect. small ripples right? (no i don’t mean the chocolate ones however those give me LIFE)
so here i am, one task crushed in less than thirty minutes and i can jettison the payload of the running background universe clock to fetching, paying, worrying about how many puffs i’ve got left on my current one to go, i’ve also dropped in my other prescription so maybe i can get a second one to give me a backup, wouldn’t that be a thing, pushing back on the truman show universe. i was smiling and laughing and waiting for a camera to fall from the sky on the walk back home. i grabbed my wallet, got in the car and drove back to pick it up, maybe i should have walked again but i really wanted to get on with my day.
i knew i should have taken the wallet.
i had this nagging moment where i was actually debating it, should i take it, do i need to, would i go to the shop if i had it, was it a distraction, you open yourself up to losing it, i had no reason to take it, i had discounted the fact that there just might be one waiting for me there. why? why did i do that, why do i completely one single mindedness moment even not consider that one might be waiting for me.
had i blocked that potential out to quench some kind of frustration, had i become so single minded that i was not open to the possibility that someone might have had my back when all the recent evidence suggests that it’s obvious i’m a monthly regularly — i have a number 3 for god sake. i’m on a list. for the first time in my life, i’m a list that worth being on, the one that removes the anxiety of my own inability to get funds together and be organised to get a timely replacement.
the reason i had the pause for the wallet is that my gut was trying to communicate the possibility, i had completely shut it down, ironic that my gut was also trying to get me to avoid the shop and more potential food buying that was not needed but really it was telling me you ‘just might need the funds for something’ - i could have done it all in one sweet shot and had a fast twenty minute turnaround but because i didn’t listen to my gut the universe punished me by sending me home empty handed to then also give in to apathy to use the car to make the trip back. self hacking man, it’s a pain in the backside sometimes :)
ok then, i’ve got a two hour sprint ahead, let’s see if i can lock down at least thirty minutes of recording and do some tests with the new OBS three hour recording system before the weather starts to heat up and the sun comes out and i can no longer have my green screen lights on anymore, hope you all have a bloody wonderful monday
