Would you rather lose your eyes, or your ears?
My ears - then I wouldn't have to listen to Daddy's bad jokes.
She is definitely my daughter.
"Would you rather" is a game we have been playing lately and it has been interesting, as well as funny and fun in general. It has been great to listen to her reasoning behind the decision, especially when she has to decide between two things she likes, like hands or feet, or two of her favorite toys or food. I am not sure what games people play with six-year old kids, but this is definitely one that raises some discussions and gets Smallsteps to reflect on her life and what things have value to her. And still fun!
I feel hat these kinds of little games that we play, coupled with the many other simple little games we play, might help her to develop better personal strategies to deal with later life, as well as consider the value of various things she might face throughout her life. In a world where instant gratification and a lack of emotional control is encouraged, I believe those who are able to control themselves will do well. And it requires have an understanding of what one actually values.
For example, a lot of people say that they value their time, but if pressed on exactly how that manifests and how they use the time they value so much, they can't answer. For most, they don't actually use their time effectively to accomplish the things they want to achieve, so do they value it?
Probably yes, however it isn't the time they value, it is the feeling that they can do things they value with the time, even if they don't use it well. But, it is very much like how people "waste" their lottery winnings, isn't it? They enter with the intent to win, are given an opportunity very few are provided, and then piss it away, often ending up in a worse position than before they won.
So, even when people are given that extra time to do "as they please" with their life, most end up doing very little of consequence, even though their intention was to do something that mattered, because that time was considered valuable.
Why are we so bad at this life thing?
Why am I so bad at it?
I am projecting. I think all parents do, because we are products of our environment and we are likely aware of our strengths and weaknesses, hoping that we can provide the former for our children and mitigate the latter. Knowing and hoping on these things, doesn't mean we go about it in the best way, but acting blindly is unlikely to lead to better results anyway.
"Time spent" can't be returned, so if it wasn't used well, it will never be used well. And, there is likely some kind of compounding formula involved, where the more time we use well, the more the benefits will increase against each other. The inverse is also likely true isn't it? Where the more time we waste, the more time we will waste in the future too - or at least, the less value we will be able to add wit the time we have available.
Time is money.
Not because of the trade value, but because what can be accomplished in that time. Time itself is irrelevant really, it is the movement between points of time that matter and when one "plies their trade", they are using their skill to get something in return. It might be as simple as a good feeling, but ultimately, if all we do only has the return of a good feeling, we aren't likely to live very long, nor valuable lives. We wouldn't even learn to walk, because falling over doesn't feel good.
And, I think this is ultimately what a parent is aiming to do, help their child learn the skills required to negotiate life. However, I think that this responsibility is increasingly being proxied away - firstly to schools that are failing in their role and then to technology, which is engineered to take advantage of weakness, not increase strengths. If parents don't take an active enough role in this process, they will find that their children are still being raised, but not necessarily in ways that lead to a good life.
What is a good life?
I asked my daughter this the other day and the answer was simple.
A life filled with love.
She didn't put it quite so simply, but it wasn't far off and I agree with her. But, there is more to love than just being loved, there is also the loving part too. There is value in the experience on both sides and while we often think that loving is enough, perhaps there is more value in learning what it takes to be truly loved, to give service to another and understand how much it truly means to them.
What would you rather have all the time in the world, or a life devoid of love?
It might be worth contemplating.
Taraz
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