This time it is going to stick.
It is funny, as I used to get teased for how often I would go to the gym, and after averaging 5 times a week, it has been a few years of almost zero activity. I have plenty of excuses with family challenges, time issues due to the various forms of work I do and especially over the last two years, zero motivation for anything - but, they are just that,
excuses.
The last one has been quite severe however, as it doesn't just impact on my motivation to exercise, it impacts on absolutely everything. Nearly everything I do, whether I want to do it or not, takes effort and I have to force myself to move. And as a result, I am out of shape physically, mentally and emotionally.
However, I believe that mental and emotional health can be aided by improving physical health, and I have been trying for a couple years to get my wife to help me, help myself, by coming with me to the gym. That sounds lame and she felt I was putting pressure on her, but I need the support.
However, just before the summer she decided that she wanted to feel better in her own skin, and we decided to go to the gym together, finally. The problem is of course, we have a daughter and the gym we went to has no child care. The do have a place to sit however, but they wouldn't let us leave our daughter there quietly reading or drawing.
So, we had to change gym.
There are several in the area, but I have been a member at the one I left for over 19 years, so it was a little weird to give up the membership. However, If I want the support to get there, that is what needed to be done.
Our membership started on the 1st of August and tonight was the first time we went all together. They have a supervised playroom available for a few hours each day and most evenings and Smallsteps, while a little nervous at first, had a ball for the hour she was there. Once her school starts next week, we will try and make it a few times either straight after she finishes, or after dinner, and she will do her homework there and then play.
My wife did a yoga class, as she isn't allowed to do anything to heavy until she sorts out her stomach muscle development to recover from the birth. She should have been doing this much earlier, but was given wrong and conflicting advice for years. Now, she is on the right track and in 12-18 months, she should be able to lift normally. What was interesting is that when she was at a special physio, they discovered her abdominal muscles are continually clenched, and as a result, her breathing is very shallow. She essentially has to relearn how to breath.
My wife dislikes the gym, but enjoys the classes, so hopefully in time she will do a bit of both. I wanted to do yoga too, but I chose not to tonight so as to give my wife some space without having to worry about what I might be thinking there. So instead, I did some stretching to try and loosen and lengthen some of my muscles, as I have become almost frozen, compared to what I was able to do only what seems a few short years ago. And then, some light weights using fuller ranges of motion.
While I don't want to look like crap, I don't care that much about how my body looks, but I have felt terrible for far too long and I am tired of that feeling. Next year I will turn 45 and if I don't do something now, I am going to fall apart completely by the time I am 50. It is funny, because in my head I don't feel like I am closing in on 50 and I don't think I look that old, but I feel much older.
And, while at the moment Smallsteps needs a lot of our time, as she gets older and more independent, we will have more opportunity to not only exercise, but also go out and spend time together as a couple, perhaps even travel. It would be silly to wait until then to start doing something to try and get back into a better state of health, when we can do something now, even if not ideal.
I am pretty sure that while my motivation is unlikely to ever return, if I can just go enough to build the habit of exercising regularly, I feel that I won't need the support to keep going. Building new habits are very difficult for me now and even though I have muscle memory for my body, my head is that of a completely different person. Once I get over that hump though, I feel I will be able to keep the momentum going.
With this comes the change in diet too, because while we don't eat that bad, I consume far too much sugary food and unless I am going to the gym regularly, I will not have the impetus to stop. Sounds stupid, I know - but it is what it is. If you read about willpower, you will discover that our abilities to resist desires are lower when we are mentally tired, like after a hard day at work. However for me, I am always mentally tired, because everything I think takes so much damn time, effort and energy - even sleep, which is why I barely dream.
We have a family wedding to attend in a few weeks and I am hoping that unlike last year, I won't have to buy a new suit again. I am also hoping that my body won't protest as much when I bend and move. What I haven't done yet though is weigh myself, though I think I should, just to see what is actually happening in that regard too, as it is interesting, but not overly representative of progress. The difference that matters is how I feel when I bend to tie my shoelaces.
Out of curiosity, I was wondering how far people are away from their ideal, or their past best, and what you would need to do in order to accomplish it.
As said, while weight isn't a good indicator for me, I would like to return to around 75 kilos, which is probably about 15 kilos away. This would likely require losing some muscle too, as I don't think I want to be very low fat, but as I age I am okay with that. However, the weight is less important than the feel of my body and I think I am a few years of work away from being close to where I want to be, relative for my age. Flexibility takes time to develop, as does losing the visceral fat, which sits around the organs. And then, there is my stamina for explosive movement, which is shockingly bad at the moment, as is my breathing and recovery time.
Doesn't sound great, does it?
But at least, there is a clear way forward.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
