Smallsteps has realized that being away on vacation is fun and it costs. We have tried to be open with money considerations with her, but also not worry her with some of the more difficult discussions yet. Our early relationship with money likely dictates a lot of our future financial wellbeing or struggle and a scarcity mindset is difficult to shake. At least it is for me.
I say "is" because like an addiction, once an addict, always an addict.
For me, financial struggle has dominated the majority of my life and the very real cost of opportunity lost has been felt. Like many, financial scarcity means making a decision between two poor choices, and hoping for the best - which rarely happens.
Just like the worst.
Preparing for the worst or close to means being covered if it comes to pass, but also having allowance for when it doesn't, which is usually the case. If that "extra" is used wisely, it could offer financial empowerment, but the fact is, most people who are struggling, don't make great financial decisions, in the same way that an addict doesn't make good decisions either.
Getting into unnecessary debt to purchase a desire, or stealing from loved ones - to fulfil a desire. Similar, aren't they? They are both about making a decision to take am opportunity that probably shouldn't be taken, yet is. Under the duress of want satisfaction, we rarely act well, or in our long time self-interest. We get what we want now - at the expense of our future position.
I don't think any addict wants to be so, nor do I think an addict wants to purposely hurt their loved ones, in the same way that I don't think anyone wants to be in debt. Yet, that pull of the want can be incredibly strong.
And, the line of credit is attractive.
And the more it is used, the more it will be used, until the limit is reached and the tap closed. Then, withdrawals set in, because the lifestyle that was being lived, is no longer possible, because it was never sustainable - always running on a line of credit of some sort - from a bank or the stolen jewelry of a parent.
While it seems so easy for some, the fact is that under certain circumstances, most will fail to make good financial decisions, once they are in a position of struggle. Starting from that point and watching parents make mistake after mistake, doesn't help lost of us learn and instead, sets up almost unbreakable patterns, because before we can break them, we have to improve our conditions, but our habits are making that incredibly hard.
A catch-22
Even if broken, like an addict, it is easy to fall back off the wagon. Just when you think you have control, one drop and it all comes crashing down again, old habits kick in like they never left.
For some of us, no matter how much money we receive, it will continue to pass through our fingers like water. We keep dipping in, scoop after scoop until there is nothing left, and then into minus. I know people who have burned through more money than I will likely see in my lifetime and now, they struggle to pay their utilities, let alone take a vacation. Their "good times" were amazingly good, like the ultimate high, but the crash on the other side has left them with memories of opportunity wasted and bitterness, not gold.
It is important to make memories we can cherish, but we also have to think about the life we live each day and the impact the cost will have on it. How much is a memory worth and does it pay off the future struggle and continual debt burden?
When we think we deserve to splurge, do we also deserve the ramifications of our decisions?
I think this is where we are currently focusing some our parenting attention for Smallsteps, the consequences of decisions she makes. Sometimes, it is that she says she doesn't want something but then (like children do) changes her mind ten minutes later, but it is too late, the decision has been made. It isn't always possible to go back and choose again and understanding that many decisions lead us down restrictive paths, with each taking options off the table, we can start to feel the oppression - self-inflicted oppression of our own making.
A lot of the decisions I have made in my life have felt forced, because they were made from positions of not having enough to do as I please, so it is a compromise. Compromise is good, but when it is affecting whether we go to a specialist doctor or not, it is painful, and the ramifications can be severe.
The chronic illness I have now, was misdiagnosed by a general doctor when I was 16, because y mother couldn't afford to go to a better one - one who would have likely sent me to a specialist, which she couldn't afford either. It was "easier" for her to feel she was doing something, even though it was not the right thing to do. But at that age and in the condition I was, I had little choice in the matter, and have been living with the consequences ever since.
There are lots of variables in this world and it makes decision making difficult, but at the end of the day, we are the only ones who have to live our lives, so learning how to make the best choices we can, at least gives us the comfort that we did our best, even if we failed. Passivity is also a choice, then we just feel like victims of circumstance - even though we had a say in the outcome.
Do we keep scooping, or do we fill up the hold?
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
