A friend of mine who is going through an amicable divorce (many aren't), is now reflecting back on a lot of things in the last few years, "warning signs" that it was heading this way. But one of the things they are also realizing, is just how much financial conditions affected their willingness to end the relationship. I think this is common.
It seems to be that when people are feeling financially vulnerable, they are less likely to instigate the end of a relationship, due the disruption it causes to the finances. A shared home and associated costs splitting into two homes and going it alone. New furniture, replacement content, perhaps another car - the level of financial stress increases. But when someone feels more secure financially, this is less a consideration. Money can increase confidence and boldness.
Is this why so many people who get newly rich, turn into dickheads?
That aside, it is interesting that while money isn't everything, a lot of our decisions in life are made on whether we have it or not, including those of our relationships. I clearly remember that when my ex and I broke up after about six years together and after buying an apartment, it was hard, but one of my biggest concerns was what I would do financially. It wasn't about missing her, or thinking we were suited together, it was about how I was going to pay the bills. As a result, the entire "break up" lasted less than a week, as I realized that at this point, I was in it for the wrong reasons, and even if we had stayed together, at some point down the road when I was more financially confident, I would have left anyway.
Rip off the bandaid fast.
Similarly to our relationships, a lot of us choose careers based on financial considerations, rather than on our own skills or suitability. We want a job that pays well, but many who make a decision on salary expectation alone, will find that they struggle to engage themselves in the job, meaning that not only do they like it less, but they are also less likely to make as much, since their passion isn't strong enough to stand out and advance along the career path.
Again, I feel that when I chose "Business" as my university degree, I was making a decision based on potential future earnings. In this case, it wasn't about a salary expectation value, it was about flexibility, as the degree could fit into any industry. However, this is also a drawback, as there is no specialization and lots of competition, plus, I am far from gifted in the areas that would matter for career advancement in this area. If I could go back, I would likely get into psychology and psychoanalysis instead - which would be an interest area and have a lot of career opportunity right now.
It is interesting though, isn't it? How many of our decisions in life (big and small) center around how we feel about our financial situation now and in the future. While when I write about these things here, there are people who say they are "above this", I get a strong feeling that if we were able to get a good look at their lives, they would be much the same. And it can present in many different ways, where it is also going to affect who we date, whether we have kids, what hobbies our kids do, what their experiences are going to include, whether we travel, what hobbies we have ourselves and as mentioned, whether we break up or stay together.
It would be interesting to see some kind of objective ratio of the decisions we have made in our life and the affect our financial position at the time had on them. For example, I knew I wanted to be with my wife from the moment I saw her on the dancefloor, but I also had a strong feeling that I wasn't in a good enough financial position to provide for her, so she could be comfortable. It doesn't matter if it is relevant or not, it still makes an impact. But one thing I wouldn't do, is embellish my position, because if I wanted to have a solid relationship, it couldn't be based on false impressions.
Yet, if we have a look at culture now, false impressions are rewarded with attention. Social media is driven by views of fake lives, purporting to be true, where all the influencers are on holiday all of the time, and money isn't a concern at all. But, is that the case? Unlikely. And, other than the fraction that can live off their earnings and have enough to cover a life of luxury, the majority are getting into debt, trying to build a followership on fake representation. It is no wonder that so many of them run into emotional struggles.
And I wonder what kind of impact that falsified life for strangers has on a relationship, or perhaps, both people in the relationship are both faking it for attention. Is it a healthy dynamic, and is it one that leads to lasting relationships? I don't think so, but it would be interesting to see some numbers in a decade or two from now, as to whether the average influencer of today, is happy in their life, or not.
I feel that for many reasons, the value of relationships have been degraded, often because of the shift toward a more transactional, money-driven incentive. And, that is enabled through faking it to making it, which will also impact on personal relationships also in many ways.
Whatever it is, I think that our financial position and our mindset around it are going to impact on our decisions in pretty much every aspect of our lives that matter. I think that those who believe they themselves aren't affect, might want to review the decisions that they have made in the past, and consider whether there really was some kind of financial influence.
Money might not buy us happiness, but it likely affects many of the conditions of our lives that can bring us joy. So, ignoring the impacts it could have, doesn't mean money doesn't affect us.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
