Last night I had the first dream about my dad since he passed away and it was a bit embarrassing. You see, in the dream I was at some kind of large dancing event and then my dad turned up and started dancing - My father was quite possibly the worst dancer in the history of the world and once seen, it is seared into the memory forever. He didn't care though and it never stopped him from dancing - the way it should be.
I envy him in this regard as I don't seem to be able to "dance like no one is watching" in many aspects of my life and while I don't care much about public opinion of me, I do care about what I think of myself. I am my own worst critic, but I don't consider it unhealthy, I see it as a mechanism of self-control. I know when I have performed or acted poorly (at least on reflection) and the critic in me gives me the space to review and discuss alternative paths and hopefully, improve for the better going forward.
Sometimes I wonder what some people think of themselves in reflection of how they behave with others, how they treat people. I think this is going to be interesting in the future as online records exist and while many people might believe they are hidden and anonymous, they are not - there are thousands of ways that someone can be discovered with the right access to information.
However, when it comes to the way we behave for example on Hive, I wonder if people will ever go back and review their behavior and consider if it was appropriate, useful, their best selves. Would they want their partner or children to read their mind? Perhaps, they don't have partners or children, maybe it is part of the reason some people are so aggressive.
There is a stereotype from the past of the "tech nerd" living in their mother's basement, but I don't think this stereotype holds firm anymore, as in general, those who are technically skilled are often out there doing their thing as professionals. I wonder if the stereotype of the "basement dweller" is better suited to the online trolls these days and perhaps their digital aggression is the representation of their repressed emotional state in reality - perhaps it is an indication of frustration - economic, social, sexual. A lack of agency and opportunity is frustrating after all and humans aren't well suited to handling frustration at the best of times.
I can't imagine a "happy soul" who takes pleasure in attempting to inflict some type of suffering on others intentionally - so what does this say about society and the health of the individual in regards to the increase in digital trolling. Couple this with the increase in depression and social discontentment and it doesn't speak very highly of our ability to cope in this environment.
When people feel "backed into a corner" they will lash out in attempt to protect themselves. It is no wonder that so many people identify themselves as victims, as their mental health is geared toward being exactly that, a victim - someone who doesn't have agency. It seems that a lot of people now feel backed into some kind of corner of society where they are oppressed, regardless of the reality of the situation and because they are likely to blame others for their position, the trolling and intentional attempt to inflict some kind of pain on others seems justifiable.
It is interesting what kinds of behavior some people can justify from themselves, but we build narratives that protect ourselves and many are not well versed in taking a look into that mirror and removing the illusions of their story. Perhaps one day they will wake up and discover that their mind is different, their thoughts and emotions changed - I wonder how they justify their past behavior - do they say they did the best they could with what they knew - will they recognize that they had access to know more but actively avoided it?
It is interesting to think about though as while I can't say if the internet trolls are the basement dwellers for sure, I don't suspect that they are the upstanding community members people are attracted to. I think trolling speaks of internal turmoil and pain, personal suffering and lack of power to direct oneself - I could be wrong. But what is interesting is that when it comes to what they think is hurtful to say, a healthy and well-adjusted individual finds what they say sad due to the childish and immature nature of it - yet coming from an adult.
All children think they are clever - til they grow up and look back on how ignorant they were. Perhaps part of the problem with the internet is that it protects against the consequences of behavior, so people take longer to grow up, some never make it out of puberty - perhaps this is why there is so much sexual frustration and focus in what the trolls have to say - lack of experience.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
