In class the other day I congratulated my student on his recent marriage and asked if the planning had run smoothly. He talked about the price and having no savings left and mentioned that the wedding went really well but the worst part was having to dance.
They had gone to 4 or 5 classes so that he could learn how to dance a basic waltz and he had found it really uncomfortable and awkward. Leading up to the day, he was increasingly anxious about having o dance in front of family and friends. For him, this was his worst nightmare made reality.
We explored this a bit and since the class was about altering narratives to change personal results, I decided to find out why he doesn't like dancing. Now, I already knew, it is quite obvious in Finland as the reason most men don't like dancing is because they find dance itself feminine. Real men don't dance and those that do are gay. Or in Finland, very drunk.
This is a relatively recent phenomena in the history of society as dance itself dates back past the keeping of any records. Dance was likely used as some ritualistic offering to the natural gods and later as a way to build or celebrate the forming of relationships which is of course seen as a natural act.
Even now, essentially all couple dances have their roots in relationship building from the smooth and sensuous Argentinian Tango, the flirtatious Cuban Rumba or the playful Salsa.
It is always interesting when I hear that 'dancing is gay' as I do not understand how dances that were formed on building romantic relationships can be, other than via the social and cultural representations of dance.
In the case of my student, he has grown into a Nordic view where men sit at the bar and drink while the girls dance in small groups of friends on the dance floor. But, if he had been born in Cuba, he would have likely grown up watching his parents dance in the kitchen, the neighbours in the street and the community everywhere without ever taking a formalised lesson.
Dance in some countries is part of the cultural learning and carries important societal information within. This information carried is how many find their partners as it is passed through the connections of dance and social celebration. Without the formal structure of learning, it becomes a language in its own right with each person creating their own style based on basic grammar rules as well as each person interpreting the movements of others in their own way.
There is something to the idea that how a person dances is indicative of how they may be in other physical ways also as it is an understanding of the body and the ability to read the body of another. What does standing at the bar drinking while the women move their bodies indicate?
I dance Salsa, Kizomba and Bachata with Bachata probably my strongest. I have been mistaken or labelled as gay often throughout my life yet, I would say that there is no woman I have ever danced with that would make the mistake. I have also taken people too dance events and parties who are not dancers themselves but have quickly reconsidered.
There is a lot in this world that is beautiful but one of the most wonderful things to see is a woman who understand her body and confidently dances. It doesn't matter the looks, the height, the size, the clothes, the colour, she is undeniably gorgeous. Of course, that is my opinion and I fell for my wife long before I spoke with her as I watched her dance Salsa, so I am heavily biased.
But, going back to my student, the narrative he holds about dancing is able to be shifted. The majority of the people I dance with are Finnish and at some point held the same narrative that when men dance it is gay. What they learned though is that most women like men who can dance, even if they can't dance well and there are many stereotypical engineer types grooving away to music with lyrics they can't understand.
The women I have talked to about this concur as a man that is willing to do something they are not good at and enjoy it still, laugh at themselves and have fun on the dance floor are the kinds of guys they are more likely to want to get to know. The one's drinking at the bar are missing out in two ways as the dancers rarely drink as much and are therefore more likely to be decent in a conversation.
Of course, this is just a bit of fun and if one doesn't dance, there is no great harm but acting as if one grew up in the 'Footloose' town is also quite silly. Dance is fun and there are plenty of great people and communities to be a part of. Some are social event dances like Salsa whereas others like ballroom are more structured and formalised but, there is likely a dance that fits just about anyone who is willing to become a beginner at something again.
Give it ago, come across to the dance side.
Taraz
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