I had an interesting conversation about fairness, decisions, consequences and responsibility today, and realised that many people seem to have a conflict in them. Essentially, every action is going to have a reaction, which means whatever we do is going to cause some knock-on effect to happen. We can't always predict what is going to happen, but probabilities and risk assessment is possible.
It started after a conversation that led the person to say that they think I have experienced a lot of unfortunate and unfair incidents in my life with health and events, and it would be understandable if I am bitter about it. Sure, but the thing is that I have a firm belief that while there are universal laws that are unbreakable as we know them, "fairness" doesn't come into it. The universe is always fair, because it does what it does with absolute consistency. The outcomes I experience are not the problem of the universe, they are my issues to face.
Yet, I think a lot of what we do today is driven by entitlement and when things go wrong, we look to lay blame on others for our outcomes, even though they are just reactions to our actions. And often, we make ourselves victims of circumstance because we make choices that put us in situations where the consequences, whether they should happen or not from a social sense, are possible from a universal sense.
This conversation started because I was retelling the events of the morning, where my daughter had misplaced her bus card, missed the bus, and was going to be late for school. It was about a disorganised room, lack of attention and not being prepared. I wasn't angry, I just said to my daughter that she can stay home today - which is a punishment in her eyes. Consequences of action.
Over the last couple decades I have observed a shifting of entitlement where an increasing number of people expect to be able to behave in certain ways without having to pay the consequences of their actions. And often, when things go wrong, they talk about fairness and how other people are in the wrong. The person I was talking to also believes in the universal laws and that life isn't "fair" from the human sense, but also met with a conflict after I gave an example.
I tend to go to everyday extremes for examples.
Everyday extremes aren't the most extreme examples, but they are relatively common and the majority of people are aware of them. So the example I gave about entitlement hit a nerve, but exposed the conflict. The story is of a woman in her early twenties who was drinking with a team of overseas volleyball players in a bar. She went to their hotel room alone and was subsequently raped by several of the players.
In my view, while from a human level it shouldn't happen and the girl should have been safe, that is not the universe we live in today, or pretty much at any time in the history of humanity. It is entitlement to believe that "nothing will happen" when there are so many everyday examples that puts the odds of something happening much higher than nothing. While there are human-made laws against rape, there is no universal law that stops it from happening. There are always people willing to break human laws, and the laws can only be applied in retrospect from the event taking place. Prosecution and conviction come after a law is broken. If caught and prosecuted.
It would be great to live in a world where we all protect each other and keep each other safe, but again, there is no universal law that ensures that happens. Even the human-made laws that might try are often broken, but also flawed, meaning that they can still do harm, even with best intentions.
The universe doesn't have intentions - it just has reactions.
While I was never beaten in an abusive manner as a child, my parents were severely lacking as parents in many ways. This is not uncommon, because there are no universal laws to guarantee good parenting. Similarly, there are no universal laws to ensure someone behaves, or does no harm to others, or is unselfish, or is generous and compassionate. These and the myriad more are traits and behaviours that someone can exhibit, but even then the same person can behave in highly contradictory ways also.
Having poorly equipped parents or abusive teachers as in my case, might not be fair, but it is also not unfair. It is just the way things go. And there are consequences to these events and experiences, my thoughts and behaviours, and everything else, because they trigger an endless chain of reactions that go out into the world, interacting with other ripples of reaction.
And while this all seems random, from a universal perspective it is not, because as humans we and our behaviours are highly predictable. Which also means that when we act based on our expectations and assumptions about how things should be, unless we are aligned to reality, we are going to meet conflict. The woman at the bar should never have been raped by those disgusting men, but she also shouldn't have gone to a hotel room alone with them in a world where people are commonly drugged and raped. She increased her odds of being raped significantly through her own behaviour.
Sounds like victim blaming, right?
No. It isn't. It shouldn't have happened, but at the same time, we have to also protect ourselves from the conditions of our environment. We need to be aware, pay attention, prepare, and consider our own behaviours, rather than doing as we please and expecting everyone else to keep us safe. As said, it would be nice if we could rely on strangers to keep us safe at all times, but again - that is not the way of reality.
The question I ask myself is how responsible am I for the outcomes of my conditions? What role have I caused in my own illnesses, or in the breakdown of relationships, or for my financial circumstances? How different am I then that woman who went to the hotel room? Have I been expecting to be protected by strangers? Have I been doing what I want without considering the ramifications?
Have I been entitled?
Most probably.
But the universe doesn't care about what I believe should happen, or what I believe I deserve, it just does what it does, consistently. Universal laws can't be beaten, but all of the man-made laws are transient and will shift heavily over time and, there are always some number of people who will break the laws if they think they can get away with it.
Every time we go for a swim, there is a chance of drowning. The probability of it happening though is going to depend a lot on the environmental conditions and the personal capabilities involved. A strong swimmer is unlikely to drown in a pool, but throw them into the middle of an ocean, and they are unlikely to survive.
We can't protect ourselves from risk, it is ever-present. We all have to swim through this life and currents aren't always going to go our way. But, we can learn and prepare, we can ensure that we are paying attention when situations demand it, and we can usually remove ourselves from conditions we deem too risky. But even with all the preparation, we are going to inevitable face and have already faced many circumstances we had no control over, where we were victims despite doing the right thing, or at least not doing the wrong thing. We don't choose our parents or our environment when young, and we definitely don't choose our genetics or personality.
We are just reactions.
And while we might not have control over much, I think this is why it is so important to pay attention to our own behaviours and make the best decisions we can, because we are going to set off an endless amount of new reactions, and none of them are going to be fair for all.
The universe will remain absolute.
Taraz
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