Ten years is not very long.
Of course, time is relative to situation. Time flies when having fun, but if having a miserable time, well - ten years can seem a lifetime. Or two. But it doesn't seem that long ago that my wife and I got dressed up in appropriate wedding attire, only to get married in front of strangers dressed in shorts and t-shirts at the magistrates office. Because we didn't have a fancy wedding. In fact, we eloped.
No one knew we were getting married.
It was a lot of fun.
Though part of me wishes we had had a proper wedding, just for the experience. Yet, I have been to many proper weddings, and I don't really remember much about any of them, other than slices here and there. So what is the point of the experience? Sure, it might be different as the couple getting married, but I suspect that even then, there is a lot of stress, not to mention cost, so the actual day itself becomes more of a blur, so I have heard.
But it was nice. We found a dress that I altered to fit, as my wife is quite petite and sizes usually don't fit straight off the rack, and bought a veil. On a fortunately sunny evening we drove into the country and took some photos in a field, using my camera on the ground and connected to my phone as the trigger. I edited one of them to print as a wedding notice, and after we were married that Friday, we posted them to close friends and family. We went out to dinner just the two of us. And a few days later, took off to Milan for a honeymoon. We had been in Italy for a couple days when we started getting messages from people who were getting the cards.
And that was that.
And here we are ten years later, with a nine year old.
People put so much effort and money into getting married, but it would be interesting to see statistics on length of marriage in comparison to relative cost of the wedding. I have a friend who has had a grand wedding three times so far, but it doesn't seem to help her stay married. Maybe the latest will stick. I have several friends similar. I have also taken the formal pictures at a number of large weddings, and I think only one of the couples is still together. A few couples I know are still together after a long time, but it seems pretty rare.
But, staying together is different to "happily married" and I know a few couples who are together, but nothing about their observed relationships scream "happy together". There are lots of reasons to stay in an unfulfilling relationship, but are any of them good reasons? Because of the children, because of the cost, because he says sorry after hitting me.
Ten years is long time to have chronic illness, but a short time to be in a relationship with someone you love. Sure, a lot can happen in that ten years, but at least for me, ten years with someone I love makes the pain more bearable. Perhaps, it is because I don' focus as much on the pain and instead channel effort to those I care about instead, or maybe just the feeling of love reduces the impact of pain. I don't know.
But it is better to share life, than not.
Taraz
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