"But, I can't change who I am.."
Message waited for me on my phone, when I opened my eyes this morning. I almost forgot that I had a conversation with a friend last night. It was one of the same talk, for who knows how many times. I tried to convince her to approach the problem from another angle, to have different result. I am not a very good friend first thing in the morning, so I avoid answering my phone and messages at least an hour after I wake up. But this one made me (let's say) mad hours after.
The only thing I can say to such message, regardless the subject is:
"YES you can!"
I can understand (or appreciate) almost any point of view, and I don't usually argue on any of them. Having a mind of your own on any subject is fine by me. We all have different past and view on life. But one thing always makes me speak my mind, even if it is in vain. That situation is all too familiar, you listen to your friend for the thousand time talking about the same problem, you give couple advises or just listen to them, but the situation stays the same. Why is that?
Based on my experience, and all the books I've read on the subject, you get stuck in one movie, and play it over and over again. Similar thing happened for the most part of my life. As long as I complained about something, that same thing followed me around. One day I woke up and said: "Ok, let's play this game." I sat down, looked at my life and accomplishments, and for the first time I realized that if there are some rules for the game we call life, maybe I can figure them out and use them.
Instead of complaining about something, I began to find something to be grateful for. And every day, my brain would go back to it's previous state of negativity. I think it's only up to how you are raised, because parents in their best effort to keep you safe make you scared of almost everything. I don't think that you are born to be self-critical, since babies love everything about them, they are amazed with their body and everything that surrounds them (even their poop). While trying to prepare you for the "cruel" world adults criticize and punish your behavior (doing the best they can, with the knowledge they have). And so you grow up thinking that you are not good enough, and you have to make more money, have a perfect relationship and have a great job to love yourself and be happy. When in all reality you should love yourself no matter what (just like babies do, like you once did).
So my daily struggle began, I would decide something, my brain almost instantly began to calculate the routs and ways my plan is going to fail, but that is where I changed the rules of the game to my favor. If it is up to me, and I wish all the best things, why would I even consider bad ones? If it isn't up to me, and everything is predestined why should I burden myself with "negative" thoughts?
And every time I began to drift towards negativity, I would stop and reboot:
"This is my old way of thinking, and it didn't give me the desired results. Let's change the thoughts."
I counted on the fact that it is something to try, some kind of experiment, and that life can only get better. Also, being aware that you see and understand the world only through your senses and brain, helped a lot. I am in charge of my mind and thoughts! And things slowly began to change. I became more relaxed, and confidant that everything is going to be all right. I complained less, and became more aware of what I already have.
Needless to say that to this day, after many years trying to rewrite my brain I still get stuck in "loop of unfortunate", but the trick is that I see it faster and move on. I don't dwell on the fact that it is "bad", I take a closer look and find some little thing I learned from it, and go forward.
Did you find yourself or someone close to you, in my blog? Are you stuck in the loop? What are you going to do about it? Be sure to leave me a comment, so we can discuss this subject more!
With love,
Tamara
