Hello everyone, and let's get mad together!
Just kidding, I'm already mad today. But the point of this blog is to make more sense of the emotion, and maybe find a way out of it, faster. I do think it's a common thing to feel, but on the other hand since I see it as a "negative" emotion (I don't feel comfortable while I'm angry - hence negative), I wanted to learn how to manage it, or better yet how to allow myself to feel, but not dwell on it for too long. The blog will be from my personal point of view, and any comment is more than welcome, so I can learn even more.
Let's first see what the definition of the word is:
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life.
That was the first thing that popes up when I googled the word. I don't actually love the word "normal", as it often makes you feel like you are not (the irony). But, let's say that it is normal, and by that I mean that everyone get's mad at some point in their life, for what ever reason. And that leads me to my next conclusion, not everyone gets mad about same things.
Take me for example, I have pretty cheerful personality, and optimistic view on a life as a whole. That on the other hand doesn't mean that I don't get angry, because I do, and I did even more when I was younger. While I grew up in loving but pretty strict family, it wasn't (let's say) allowed to get angry. I had to agree with my parents, older brother and the rest of the family without arguing. That was all fine until I developed my (stubborn) personality, and I couldn't really agree with all of them. There the problem began, since no one ever taught me how to manage that feeling (except bottling it up). Those were some hard times in my development years, but I found a way out.
Battling with anger is a tricky one. Why? Just saying that you are not going to get upset doesn't help, ignoring the feeling or even worse hiding it will only hurt you more. I saw that I have a problem dealing with anger while I was in high school. I started examining others behavior, and learn from it, reading more books on the subject, and talk to people who had some more experience or knowledge about it. Over the years (many of them), I came to few conclusions that helped me a lot:
1. Acknowledge the feeling:
When you do feel upset or angry, the first thing to do is to accept is as it is. A reaction to something, no matter how big or small, the thing that bothered you is there, and you got angry. There the magic starts, you don't have to feel guilty about it, or ashamed. It's a reaction, acknowledge it and move on to the next step.
2. Localize it:
The problem with anger (in my experience) is that if it is not handled properly, it will expand. When I get mad about something, and don't work on it, every next little thing will bother me even more. I would project my anger about one thing to every thing/one in my life. So, the trick is to localize it. Be aware of the thing you are angry about, and don't let the fire spread unnecessarily.
3. Deal with it:
There are many ways to deal with anger, the internet and books are full of it. But did you honesty ever tried any of them? I did, and I know what works for me:
- Talking about it: If possible with the person involved, if not write it down. It will help you to see what the problem really is, and if it is as big as it seams. Sometimes, it's just a misunderstanding that can be solved with a simple conversation.
- Get physical: No, don't actually fist-fight, but rather get some exercise, walk, dance, or my favorite hit some pillows (they are pretty forgiving). Getting active will produce more "good" hormones, and help you let some pressure out.
In any case let yourself feel the emotion.
4. Meditate or relax:
This one is usually my last step. After a good talk and walk, I usually need some alone time, to gather my thoughts and move on. It can involve a good book, hot bath, glass of vine (or all of the above). By that time I am ready to forgive and move on.
Keep in mind that anger is the most damaging for you, and since you have a limited time in this life, don't spend it in discomfort in your own body and mind. If everything else fails, I do one simple thing - something childish. Why? Acting like a child often reminds us not to take everything so seriously, and takes the pressure away.
How do you deal with anger? What makes you angry in the first place?
Be sure to leave me a comment!
With love,
Tamara