This post has been standing in a drafted mode for quite some time - but I guess it is destined to be published after all - not wanting to scream it out. But after all, why not - let's get it on...
Do you ever feel insecure? indecisive about every action and even when you decide on something you are still doubtful of your soon-to-be-actions?
If you are doing something right and you are enjoying it or just don't hate it for a long period of time draws you in - it doesn't necessarily need to become a routine, but rather all the variety keeps you entertained - and when you suddenly stop doing it or decide to stop it might be chaotic, both to your mind and body.
There are times that you seem like holding everything together, everything looks fine and compact, but then again inside of you there is this little worm of doubt splitting and tearing up everything inside of you.
Moving away from the known territory and being a small king in your very known castle with friends - suddenly being transferred amongst complete strangers with completely different mentality, culture, language - the inability to express yourself is sometimes really frustrating - and by expressing I mean those subtle things that are huge in one culture but just does not exist in others and of course there is a huge language barrier to empower it greatly.
I feel shattered and scattered across things - where, how, when - I don't find comfortable not having one thing in focus and lots of additional stuff but rather thrown everything with glimpses of stuff and where do we go from here? I have no idea.
What I know - is, I've decided to take one path and focus on the great opportunity - it is not really aligned to what I wanted nor what anyone expected that would happen. However, it did happen, the great unknown is in front of me and I am slightly terrified of the scales and darkness I'm heading into, but I guess that's scientific life and sometimes great discoveries are hidden in the scariest places.
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not “Eureka!” (I found it!) but “That’s funny…” — Isaac Asimov
And for the end, I'll leave you with my thoughts - probably you won't understand any of it it, but you can get the bigger picture pretty easy.
And a song that fits this situation and on top of it, it's nice.
All photos are mine, © Svemirac.
