But it was Easter. And periods like this people share food to their neighbours. So we were not surprised when Mama Ify our next door neighbor said she would get us food. Ha! Mad o! ( Insane) .
But Philip said we should not eat. That there are rumours in the street that Mama Ify used to do like witch. That she ate up her 4 children and used their destinies tso her akara business will be flourishing. That , that is why she has 2 coolers compared to her fellow akara sellers who have one.
Hian. "Philip, but Mama Ify has only had one child Ifeanyi na?"
Philip said that, that's what he heard. That we can eat and die but he's not eating with us.
So Philip said we could collect the food and throw it away. We all agreed. There was no way we could eat food from such a person.
So Mama Ify sent her boy Ify to bring us the package. Ify also came with a plastic container. He said his mother decided to add this freshly made juice for us because it was Easter and we needed to celebrate fully.
We collected the food and drink. I wanted to gulp the drink. Because it's the food that has an issue and not the drink but Philip said no, that he's sure Mama Ify brought a drink so it could help push the poisons from our taste buds faster to our stomach. That it was her wish that we died before midnight. Na wa o! 🙄
Okay we all agreed to dispose everything. Even the waterproof used in packaging the food and drink. We were all set to dispose it until we opened the food flask.
Hey God! See Chickennnn. Look at obstacles everywhere!
Just by perceiving the food I started salivating and my hunger increased by 100. We all looked at the food, looked at ourselves but nobody could make a move
We were silent for some minutes then I heard somebody say "what if we pray?" Oh. That was a good idea, we thought. But the problem is who was going to pray. There were 4 of us. William, Terry, Philip and myself. But the problem was whose prayer was going to be potent enough to remove poisons from the food and drink. William was a chronic womanizer. He had 7 girlfreinds for the 7 days of the week and upto 13 side chicks. He was what Nigerians call Ashawo. And we all know God hates fornication. Instead of him to pray let's just eat like that. It's the same thing .
Philip is an exam cheat. A pro. One time he was caught and he swallowed the paper. I am sure that God hasn't recovered from that solitary action yet.
Terry gambles a lot. He still owes this session fees because he used his school fees to gamble. He's too irresponsible. God must have abandoned him.
We could not entrust our lives in such an irresponsible person.
So the boys decided I pray. That they don't think I sin too much. That apart from peeping our beautiful neighbour Gloria while she is bathing there's nothing more. Plus it's just peeping and naked body jare. God will understand.
So i started the prayer. Did the sign of the cross. Told them that he that is in me, he that is in us is greater than he that is in the world. That just like the poison in the well of samaria did not harm the woman so this food shall not harm us. Then I read out John 3:16 to remind God about his love for us because we are his children and we don't deserve to die by something as little as food poisoning.
Then we started to eat. Ha! This food was so sweet I realized why someone in the bible sold his birthright for food.
Once the first morsel landed in my tongue I felt the juicy stew in my brain. Hey God! How can a poisoned food be this sweet?
The food was so sweet, I called my primary school ex to tell her I have forgiven her for cheating on me 16 years ago.
We finished eating and packed the plates. Said a prayer for mama Ify. That God will bless her. Just as she has watered us she will be wat ........
Then Terry starts coughing
Guy, why are you coughing?
He coughed again.
"Ha. Terry what's wrong with you? "🥺🥺🥺
Terry said his chest was paining him.
Hey. Goodness gracious. I said it o. I told you people I was not anointed enough to pray.
Chest pain? Ha! What happen??? 😩😩😩
Then at midnight, Terry starts catching cold. Ha! It's over o. The food poisoning has started manifesting. At this point we knew we were going to die. Started calling my family to tell them I love them and that Oga Okey the man who sells provisions close to my house owes me #60 from the coke I bought last week and they can use the money to fund part of my burial.
Kai! 4 young men gone like that? Started imagining how the headlines will be. Something like "3 young men die at home after eating rice and stew with plenty chicken." Ha. Not a bad way to die though. How many people have an opportunity to eat to their satisfaction before dying? 🌚
We sha took Terry to the hospital and test results that came out showed that it was typhoid that knocked Terry down. Hey! Okay how about the chest pain na? we asked the Doctor
Then Terry said there was no chest pain. That he added the chest pain for effect. Ha! Jerry! for real??? 😩🙄🙄
" It is that chest pain that will kill you and your generation!!! " we all shouted in unison.
Bunkum!!!
