I am by far not invulnerable, they damn near killed me once. If it hadn't been for a fluke post on some obscure web site one night, I'd more than likely done myself in. Whoever that person is sparked laughter where there was despair. Six years, and within that six years I don't think you could add up to six months worth of nights that it didn't happen where I was bombarded constantly by one form of fire works or the other. I am so immune to fireworks you could probably light an m180 behind me and I'd barely flinch, if I'd flinch at all. After years of going to the city commission on it, at times taking people who were brave enough to go with me and describe having stayed at my house and were witness to it, I finally had to put up cameras to prove it as the cops denied it was going on. I took the videos to the mayor and asked him to view them, he said he would and he'd call me back. He never did. I went to see him again and he told me his city attorney told him not to view them. I knew it was over with, I came home and started contemplating getting my things in order. I had no strength left to endure anymore of it. I have a very weak funny loving side to me, on the other hand a very strong side that the weak side often overcame, up until then when the strong side got worn down, no longer able to have the strength to shield me from myself in any given form. Some people would prefer to call it a very distinct bipolar personality disorder, I'd credit it with having had a very unstable childhood. After spending the day deciding how I was going to go about getting everything in order and planning my demise from this earth, I got on the internet and happened up a web site called Utterly Confused News. I decided to play around and write some humorous thing back and the next morning when I got up, they'd done the same. In all that despair that person gave me laughter, a hope, something bright to look forward to each day. I can't imagine what I would have succumbed to if it hadn't been for him in the immediate days following that pronouncement by the mayor but it was enough to keep me going as each night the fireworks got less and less until it finally came to an end. Maybe it was the despair in my eyes the mayor seen, the tears swelling up trying not to openly cry, but he did something about it, something no one else was able to achieve. But if it hadn't been for some stranger in the middle of the night, chances are highly likely I wouldn't have made it through those several days it took to make them stop.
There were probably several reasons it built up to all that. Fighting with the college kids over parking, fighting with the cops over the basketball court, going to a city commission meeting once when they wanted a raise but were sitting in the bars and restaurants all day, and another personal matter I'd rather not get into, which probably lit the fuse to start the meltdown of the person whom you call invulnerable, but it wasn't an invulnerability, it was a right to stand up for myself, and you see, just like me, in the end, you lose. In the end, you'll find yourself at times in the same boat I was in. Those who'll get in the boat and fight alongside you, those who'll outright refuse out of fear, and those who'll desert you once they get sent the message. After that, really, what do you have left, you simply don't view people in the same light anymore. You find yourself asking, exactly what is the use, this may end of being a friendship, but to what end. You lose a lot of hope in that regard.
So, in many aspects, time and time again I've wanted to explain why I am the way I am, considering the forces I was up against, I didn't out of concern for myself, sometimes leaving sleeping dogs lay is the best answer. So I tried in different ways, which you call it me acting like I am invulnerable, to advise you how very vulnerable you really are. Maybe you'll never find yourself like me in your very own personal battlefield, those seem to be the exception not the rule, but once the SHTF, you will lose.