I didn't take it as you being rude. Like myself at one time I was just naive. My depression stemmed from spending so much time with the other side on a blog site. These were real people somewhere who opened my eyes enough to look, to spend time looking at the alternate side of things. I became very conflicted as I could see their point but I could also see a matrix of many other problems I never knew about. Sometimes I'd find myself questioning how could I spend money on flowers for my yard while people were being persecuted, the genocide, people living in bombed out buildings, on muddy hillsides in tents escaping the violence...and it all didn't stem from us, yes some did but in many instances it was also among themselves. Once I was in a Walmart store and decided to stop to get a sub at Subway. I sat down to eat it and as I am staring out into the store my mind starts to wonder how easy it is for us to just walk into a store with heaping piles of food at our ready and millions of others around the world were starving, grasping for any bit of food they could find. Again, not all those instances were a direct cause of something our nation had done. We are not innocent but once your eyes are opened, fully open, it causes a deep conflict within one's heart at the complexity of it all and how does one even start to solve it.

I left the blog site after several of the bombings started happening in Europe and there were a few on there celebrating the deaths and the moderation was lacking to stop it as I did express my feelings I often didn't intervene with how people expressed themselves there. I realized that not all but some wouldn't have cared at all if that had been me, someone I loved or even someone related to someone else on the site that had died in any of those bombings. The reality for me was I would have cared enough about them not to celebrate something like that regardless if I was helpless to stop it, and that became to big of an obstacle for me to overcome. I will always cherish the time I spent there, I will always cherish the site owner for opening my eyes, but I won't cherish celebrating death, that isn't the answer either.